Shadows of Revenge

8. Faye's Solitude

Faye sat in the cold, dimly lit parking lot, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white. The silence around her was deafening, but the storm raging inside her was relentless. She couldn't remember the last time she had let herself feel this much, this deeply. Every breath felt like a battle, her chest heaving as if it were too tight to contain the overwhelming pain that had been buried for so long.

It was too late now. Yoko was gone, and she couldn't stop her.

Faye had wanted to. Every fiber of her being had screamed at her to grab Yoko, to pull her close, to tell her to stay, to tell her she cared more than she could ever put into words. But she didn't. She couldn't. Faye had become a master of holding herself back, locking her emotions so far down that even she couldn't reach them anymore. It was a defense mechanism she had perfected over years of loss and pain.

As she sat there, staring blankly out at the empty parking lot, her mind drifted back to Sarah. Her sister. Her little girl. Faye had practically raised her, stepping into the role of mother after their parents died when they were still so young. She had given Sarah everything—love, protection, a sense of safety in a world that was cruel and unforgiving.

But when Freen entered their lives, something inside Faye shifted. For the first time in years, she had felt something for herself. It had started innocently—admiration, curiosity—but soon it grew into something deeper, something dangerous. Faye had fallen for Freen in a way that scared her. She hated it. Hated that she could desire someone who her sister loved so dearly.

The guilt was unbearable. Her love for Freen twisted into jealousy and resentment, and before she knew it, she started to push Sarah away. Every time she looked at her sister, the shame gnawed at her, and the more she hated herself, the more distant she became from Sarah.

And then Sarah was gone.

The memory of that day came back in a rush, hitting Faye like a wave of grief she had never fully processed. When Sarah was murdered, it felt like the universe had ripped the ground out from under her. The one person she had truly loved unconditionally, the one person she had given everything to, was gone, and there was nothing she could do to take it back. She realized too late that her love for Sarah had always been stronger than the anger, stronger than the jealousy.

But it didn't matter anymore. Sarah was dead, and Faye was left with nothing but the ghosts of her mistakes.

Now, sitting alone in her car, tears slid silently down Faye's cheeks. She hated crying. It felt weak, pathetic, and she had spent her entire life being strong for other people. But here, in the privacy of her own isolation, she allowed herself to break. Sobs wracked her body, and she let them. She let herself feel every ounce of the pain she had buried for so long.

It wasn't just about Sarah anymore. It was about Yoko too. Sweet, innocent Yoko. The one person who had stayed by Faye's side even when Faye didn't deserve it. Yoko had been her anchor, her calm in the storm, the one person who made her feel something close to peace. And yet, Faye had pushed her away too.

Faye wasn't playing with Yoko. Not really. She wasn't trying to hurt her. But she didn't know how to love Yoko the way Yoko needed to be loved. Faye's love was twisted, complicated by her inability to express it in a healthy way. She had used Yoko, yes, but it wasn't because she didn't care. It was because she cared too much. Being close to Yoko made her vulnerable, and vulnerability was something Faye had long ago learned to avoid.

In Yoko's arms, Faye felt calm. Yoko was her escape, the only thing that silenced the noise in her head, even if just for a while. But Faye couldn't admit that to her. She couldn't let Yoko see just how much she meant, because then she would have to acknowledge her own weakness. And Faye couldn't be weak. Not again.

But now Yoko was leaving, and the thought of that terrified Faye. She had already lost Sarah—she couldn't lose Yoko too. But instead of stopping her, instead of begging her to stay, Faye had let her go. She had watched her walk out of the door, just like she had done with Sarah.

And now, the silence in the car was suffocating.

The truth was, Faye didn't know how to be with people anymore. She didn't know how to love or how to show her feelings. She had spent so long burying them, keeping them locked away, that she had forgotten how to let them out. She was afraid that if she let herself feel too much, she would be consumed by it, that the pain would swallow her whole.

She thought of Freen, of the way their relationship had deteriorated. Freen believed Faye was still in love with her, that her coldness toward everyone else was somehow tied to her lingering feelings for Freen. But that wasn't the truth. Faye didn't love Freen anymore. She couldn't. Not after everything. But Freen's words cut her deeply, reopening old wounds every time they spoke. Faye never argued back. She didn't have the energy to defend herself, and she didn't want Freen to know just how much it hurt. She couldn't give Freen that power over her.

So Faye sat in silence, suffering alone, because that's what she did. She carried her pain in solitude, never letting anyone in. Not Freen. Not Yoko. Not even herself.

As the night wore on and the tears finally slowed, Faye leaned her head back against the car seat and stared up at the dark sky. She wished, just for a moment, that she could go back. Back to when things were simpler. Back to when Sarah was alive, and Yoko was by her side, and Faye didn't feel so broken.

But that time was gone, and all Faye had now was the pain, the regret, and the crushing weight of her loneliness. And as much as she wanted to stop Yoko, to run after her and beg her to stay, Faye knew she wouldn't. Because Faye didn't deserve to keep the people she loved. She had already proven that.

And so, with one final, shuddering breath, Faye wiped her eyes, started the car, and drove off into the darkness. Alone, as always.

..............