Unkissed. (Rated R)

67.👑

I hated that part of me that waited, I hated that part of myself that stared at the door endlessly for the last hours on end, waiting for him to step. The ticking clock clicked a million times and he never showed for any one of those moments. I had hurt him with my words, but he hurt me with his actions, who was the one in more agony?

The cold glass of water I asked for had thawed to room temperature, and the condensed fog had melted the chills on the exterior and rim as I laid in bed, on my side, staring at the door. Motionless on the outside, but shattered a million times over within.

What was it he wanted to say? why did I walk away? why must I deprive myself of my own longings. My eyes drift to the empty room. Bouncing from the door, to the high chandelier hanging above my head, the overly large windows, and the massive bed.

Surrounded by all this glamor and wealth, I felt little to no joy. Deprived of any emotions. Isolated, with neither my father or Patrick to turn to. And now Nasir was gone, because I chased him away so neither one of us gets hurt in the end.

Why, do I put up with this, its too much, what is it I could gain in the end when no one sees me as their Queen, not even my husband, who threw me out of the meeting in front of everyone, humiliating me. What is it I have to lose?

In the midst of my self depletion my eyes found the sparkling jewel setting atop the vanity dresser, it shimmering green gems staring back at me, and I swore in that moment I could hear the voices of my past blood line cheering me until the end, I could feel them standing behind me with their sharpened swords, reminding me of my place.

The same way he would remind me.

Half past midnight, and it burns to close my eyes. In the dim darkness and scent of butterscotch fumes, I lay alone in the king sized mattress awaiting for my husband. Charlotte. A maid. Anyone that would come and release me from this isolation, I want to scream, I'm overwhelmed, and more importantly I wanted him more than anything, especially right now.

But alas I settled for a quick release and tears brims along the lines of my lids and I blinked out the beads, the wet warmth trails down my temple, what will soon follow will become a cry for help. Exactly what I needed. But the Queen must never cry, it is a sign of weakness and all respect will be tossed to the window and burned.

I reach over hastily and opened my dresser, in there was the mini chain of a locket. And an initial at the very end, a gift given to me by a boy I used to know that resembled Nasir so much, but like all the friends I think I make, they disappear forever the next day, chills coat my skin when I remembered why.

My good luck charm. It was the luck of this pendant alone that reunited me with Nasir.

But it is his own fault for making me hate him.

The creeping smile dissipates with no trace from my lips when I was disrupted by the sound of a polite knock. Fear encloses around me. At this late hour, who could it be? a murderer? I have not yet or will ever recover from the tragedy and certainly will never get over the rituals that were happening here in my very home. The ghosts that lingers the walls were validated and they were angry.

Three more knocks hit the door and I shrink my frame, whimpering out in fright.

"My Queen?" came the voice of a older woman, and my bits of my fear were dusted away.

"Y-yes?"

"May I please come in?"

I align my back against the board of my mattress, swallowed thickly and gave the ok. In walked one of the maids, she curtsies before looking at me in the eyes with her brown eyes.