Reflections of a Struggling Soul

villain

My mind is a library. It is filled with so many stories. There's a few that sit on the shelf covered in dust. Rarely ever opened. There's old leather journals where the pages are warped and withered.

Filled with the memories of who I used to be. Of that girl who was desperate to be loved back. As I read the pages from when it was us. But it was always only me. I was there holding up space.

I was there when you needed it, but you weren't there when I needed you.
And now my wrists are reminders of all the times you walked out. Because you were never there.

My solace was found at the bottom of a bottle. My tears would mix in the scorching water that rained in the shower.

And you never knew that I let the pain you inflicted wash over my skin until it was cherry red. You didn't see the battle wounds that lined my arms and thighs.

But that all felt like nothing compared to the knife in my chest. In the moments, I gasped to catch my breath and ride the panic attack out.

I used to think it was normal. It was okay to feel that way when sad. I didn't think to leave when I began to fear the fights. Your anger is so unpredictable. I never knew how far you'd go.

I'm always the villain in your written version of our story. I'm the one who ripped out your heart and left.

But, the readers don't know who you were back then. The person I thought I fell in love with.

They don't see that I was a victim, unable to escape. I hoped that one day I'd be enough for you to change.

I'm the villain because I couldn't wait any longer. Because I left when I had nothing else to give.

I'm the villain because I gave my flaws and scars to someone else to hold.

I'm not the victim in your story because I chose to rewrite my story with a new character.

One who asks about my day. And holds me tight when I don't feel okay. He understands how I feel.

I'm not the victim in your story because I wrote a story of how to heal. How to find the right person and become someone stronger.

I'm the villain because I found the person who was everything you weren't. And was everything I asked for.