City Of Need

17 ❤️‍🔥 Twin Flame

Roxy

I leave the girls at the cafe and make my way  to Jemima's flat. Should I call London or Lilah first? Or should I just keep my head down? I didn't mean to hurt London. I just wanted to make him think about his behaviour. About this desire to own me, and other women like me. But maybe this isn't about London owning people. Maybe this is about my desire to belong. Maybe that's why I choose men like London. Because I've never felt I really belong to anyone or any place.

Being raised by single mum who never really told me the truth about my life, or hers. Never knowing who my father was and then finding him and finding him wanting as a father, has left me feeling on the outside.

I thought I would find the missing pieces of my life when I found my family. I thought I would slot right in. But life is not that simple. My father did not want a daughter to love, he wanted a daughter to control. My brothers did not want a sister to be an equal, they wanted a sister to be a soldier in the ranks. To listen and obey. But that's not me.

I thought London could be a playmate. Someone to have fun with. And he really made me feel like I belonged to him when we played. But then I remembered how men can be and I bolted. If he's like every other man he will eventually take all my power, and on the flip side, if he's not like other men, then I fear I will hurt him.

The work I've been involved with, and who my family is could damage his reputation. I thought he had his shit together. What with the band, and being famous and all. I didn't want to tarnish that.

But now I don't know what to think – because maybe if he is like me – then maybe he needs someone like me. Perhaps he needs me to belong to him, so that he can belong to me. What if we are twin flames?

I walk through London in the sunshine trying to imagine how he's feeling right now. Wondering what I can do to make him feel better, wondering if he wants me to, and wondering how he is taking up so much of my headspace.

I'm so lost in thought that when I arrive at Jemima's apartment it takes me a minute to register that a woman is sitting on the doorstep. It's only when I'm almost in front of her that I realise it's my sister, Lilah.

Fuck! Whatever this is, it's not going to be good. I do a one-eighty and walk the other way as quickly as I can before she sees me. Once I'm round the corner I hail a cab. The first address that comes to mind and pops out of my mouth is London's. Before I know it I'm being driven back in the direction I've just come from. Getting out of the car in front of his apartment block and buzzing his intercom on the ground floor, I one again have no idea what I'm about to do.

'Yeah?' His voice is husky, I must've woken him up again.

'London it's Roxy.'

'What the fuck?' He says it on the out breath, as if he's talking to himself. Then says more clearly, 'What do you want Roxy? I already rang the club and paid for the room. They already told me I don't owe them any other money. Not for the girls, not for anything. So what little game are you playing now?'

'I need to come up and talk to you.'

'I've got better things to do with my time than take part in your silly games.'

Jesus. That stings. But still I persist, 'Look I know I was a dick and I'm sorry. But the thing is...'

The intercom to the door buzzes, cutting off my words as he barks, 'Come up.' His voice is like a demon voice. Dark, flat. No fucking around.

I step inside the door quickly. The elevator is there, the door open. Stepping inside I go over a speech in my head. But what do I say? Angel told me you're the same as me? Why don't we stop playing around and see if we can be together? I'd sound like a fucking psycho path if I said any of those things.