City Of Need

25 ❤️‍🔥 Strings

Roxy

No one has ever stuck up for me the way London just did. One minute I felt like the outcast causing all the drama, the next like I was his precious girl. I can't even process how that feels, but it definitely felt good.

I couldn't believe it when I saw Mac and Lila sat together. Will that ever not decimate me? Will I ever not feel like the psycho in that situation? I mean, I know I've attracted drama in the past. Two ex-husbands and an ex-wife are testament to that, but I've never ended up on the floor for anyone.

There was something about Mac and me that I'm only starting to understand now. There was a gap in the middle of me where my mother had buried a secret grenade. Attached a string to the pin, then wrapped it in a shell so soft and so comforting that I thought they were the one thing I needed to fill my emptiness.
Every time she wanted my attention all she had to do was pull that string, activate that comfort.

Then when she got what she wanted she'd leave me alone. I'd start to get back to myself and then she'd pull on the string again. Snapping me back to work. I was reliant on her for everything. All my emotional support.

Then I met Mac and I found that soft feeling of comfort with him. And I wanted more and more of it. So much so that I started to pull on his strings to get his attention.

I used jealousy to do that. I know that's not pretty, but once I'd discovered his Achilles heal I used it. I needed that string to be constantly taut. It was exhausting. After a while he stopped getting jealous and I became a silly thing that he was forced to drag around with him. But I just kept pulling and pulling, trying to get that feeling back. He had become my everything and then one day he had enough. He pulled away so fast and so hard that the string pulled the pin and that detonated everything. 

I kept running, kept working, kept playing, but I could never get far enough, couldn't move fast enough, to escape the heartbreak. It took my breath, sat on my chest, a monster that just wouldn't leave.

Then I heard he'd met someone, and that he'd fallen deep. That drove me crazy. Knowing that everything I wanted him to feel for me, he already felt for someone else. Lilah. I hated her then, more than I'd ever hated anyone. I did my best to split them up, it's true.

And then it turned out that that Lilah was my sister. What was I supposed to do? There was no one to fight against and no place to put my rage, so I crumbled. Got involved with all the wrong people, bounced from a sadist to a thrupple, to grasping at straws by becoming a Domme.

But not now, not any more. I won't be tied to anyone. I won't place my need in anyone's hands. I want to hold myself, pull my own strings, face my fears head on.

That's why London is so attractive. Five weeks of fun – no expectations – and then we will go as separate ways.

Perfect...

'Hey Sir,' I say, batting my lashes and twirling my hair as we stand outside the club waiting for a cab. 'You wanna have some fun? I know just the place...'
—-
Hey Wild Ones,
This was a bit of an introspective chapter - what can I say?! I hope it didn't feel like an info dump and I'm sure I'll be back to edit it later.🙏🏼💫

💥The next chapter is a verrrrryyyy spicy one - I wonder if you'll guess where they're going to?! 😉

Please vote for my chapter at the bottom of the page. It helps push my book up the list and means more readers like you find me.

Thank you again for reading me. 💋

Love Always,
Violet.
💋💜💋⭐️🐈‍⬛