Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy A Fan Novelization

Chapter Twenty-Three - The Choice

Rosh raised one last pleading hand, awaiting the kill, the moment where his flesh would feel the searing heat of Jaden's lightsaber. He couldn't blame her, but he thought of the wonderful times they'd had, of their late night talks up on the roof, of how she'd gotten him to open up on Blenjeel... Oh how he wished things could have gone differently there, how different he would react now.

"You were right about me, Jaden. All of it. I should've been more open and honest with you." He closed his eyes and focused on the memories, he had no guarantee it would work, but still he hoped.

*

Jaden's eyes saw red and hatred, the darkness within her nearly consuming. The voices of Vader and Alora mixed together in a frightening array that almost drowned out Kyle and Anakin's.

Then, a pinprick of light, a doorway opening up into a memory, a bright spot in her and Rosh's friendship:

Them meeting on the shuttle on their first day. Another memory quickly sprang up to take the first one's place. They were walking through the Yavin woods fighting howlers together as a team, getting along as if they'd known each other their whole lives. The memories kept coming. Faster and faster. They were sitting on the roof eating Mantell Mix, laughing, then resting her head on his shoulder. Rosh giving her the necklace he made for her. Going on missions together, sitting close to him in their shuttle on Blenjeel as he fixed the communications array, his red rimmed eyes so close to crying but too afraid too...

Afraid. Funny how fear could have such a hold on a person, twist their emotions into something different. Into anger and frustration. Into Hate. Rosh wasn't the reason for this darkness. Neither was Tavion when Jaden came to think of it. It was that damned scepter and the spirit of the Sith Lord attached to it. She'd have to get rid of it, destroy it somehow. It was the only way, but first she had to win this battle over the anger that raged within her.

With one hand still grasping her lightsaber, she pressed both hands against her temples as if to keep her head from bursting. The saber's pommel dug into her skin while her free hand clawed into her scalp, the palm pressing, pressing, trying to alleviate the pressure burning behind her eyes. Please, help me, please, help me. Please!!!!

"What is the Force to you?" Kyle had asked before their mission to Blenjeel. "Is it a safe place, somewhere you find peace? Or is it a power source from which you can draw even more power again and again?"

Peace or power. Power or peace. The real question was which did she need right now?

A new voice spoke out amidst the familiar ones that still clamored for attention. It was a deep, throaty voice that cracked and broke occasionally, but carried with it infinite wisdom. "Courage leads to peace. Peace leads to love. And love leads to healing."

"Just. Let... Go. Take that first step forward. That's all you need to do, Jaden." Another new voice spoke this time. It sounded slightly accented like some of the Imperial officers, but softer, kinder.

While this battle had raged in her mind, she knew she still held the lightsaber that'd been aimed at her friend's heart. As long as it was active, it was still a danger, still a temptation... She knew what had to be done. Jaden took a shaky breath, this felt like the hardest thing she'd ever had to do in her life.

With great effort, she put away her saber.

*

Jaden's shoulders drooped and she shook her head heavily. "I'm... I'm sorry Rosh. You're right." She looked at him with tears flooding her eyes and saw that he did the same. She took a shuddering breath. "I... I almost let my anger get the best of me." She straightened up. "Let's get outta here."