When the truth can't make you feel better, you lie.
When the truth doesn't feel like it can make everything better, you lie to make them feel better.
I kept fidgeting with the fork, twirling it idly in the spaghetti on my plate. The hustle and bustle of the fast-food restaurant provided a chaotic backdrop in my mind. There were people chatting, orders being place, and food being prepared filled the air, creating a sense of frenzied energy.
"Kumusta pag-aaral mo?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine." I said with no energy.
I had just wrapped up in school and I was likely looking forward for a relaxing and quiet evening when I got a call from my father. He informed me that he was here and demanded my presence. His authoritative tone of his voice left no room for argument.
"I heard there were competitions held at your school. Hindi ka ba sumasali?"
I shook my head.
"Yung isa mong kaklase. Narinig ko nanalo sa math competition international. What's her name?"
"Shiela." I replied.
The exhaustion weighed me heavily, making it difficult to focus on anything except the ongoing turmoil inside my mind. My appetite had vanished, leaving me with no interest in the food on my plate.
"May research na ba kayo?"
Tumango ako.
A small smile appeared on his lips. "If may problems or need mo ng assistance, andito si Tita Denise mo. Magaling 'yan sa research. Patulong ka sa kaniya." He looked at the woman who was just sitting beside him.
I took a glance on that woman. Her smile, though small, held a hint of shyness, as if she was both nervous and eager to make a good impression.
Brown complexion, petite body, small person, short hair. I studied her for a few seconds before staring back at my food, treating the fork like a fidget toy more than a utensil.
The girlfriend was not conventionally beautiful, nor was drop-dead gorgeous. In fact, if I had to pick a description, I would say she was average looking. Her features were soft and pleasant enough, but nothing about her appearance would make her stand in a crowd.
My mom was prettier.
"I also heard your classmate won a debate competition sa Legazpi. If I'm not mistaken, Sofia pangalan niya 'di ba?"
I halted on fidgeting with the fork. My mind immediately drawn to the image of Sofia. Memories of her flooded my thoughts. Tumango ako, confirming his query.
"Lagi ko siyang nakikita sa page ng school niyo."
Sofia is the definition of a perfect student – intelligent, competent, and seemingly flawless in every way.
I felt a pang of inadequacy. She was an unattainable ideal. She was someone I looked up for, someone who is truly admirable but she is someone I could never hope to measure up to.
"Gayahin mo kaya siya? Wala namang masama kung mag try ka ng mga competitions 'di ba? You used to prove yourself to me with your capabilities. Talented ka naman. Why not put it in some use?"
I listened to his words. I maintained my composed demeanor, not wanting to let my irritation show. My expression remained unreadable, but I can feel a subtle sense of annoyance evident in the tension in my jaw and a slight furrow on my brow.
"Next time na pagpunta namin rito, dadalhin ko na si Ethan. Para naman makita at malaro mo ang kapatid mo."
I slowly set my fork down. The silverware clinking against the ceramic plate in a way that seemed loud in the sudden silence of the room.
