The first time i fell in love

truly madly crazy deeply in love

i still hear the songs we had, i still remember the memories and i can say everything reminds me of him, i try not to focus on that but i can help it, my family still ask me for him, my sisters still bother me with him, his friends always remind me of him, i really miss him, because before everything happened  i didn't thought love did really exist, i always heard my sisters or friends complaining about their relationships, and before that i had never been on a relationship like ours.

he gave me everything i thought love would be like, it was the perfect definition of love, everything was perfect, he was gorgeous, funny, sweet, romantic, he was a gentleman, a good person, careful, nice, friendly,we were perfect for each other and somethimes i ask myself what everything had to end, i guess life did his job with us, but i really wish i see him again.

all the times i spent together with him were proof for me  that love exist, and i never thought he would come into my life to taught me everything he did, most of the girls dream about a man like that, and somethimes i ask myself why was it me, from all of the girls, i had the opportunity to be with the most amazing boy i had ever met, he was extremely different from the others. he did care about my fellings and he never hurt me, only the day he left.

if i had to say a word to describe him it would be perfect, he was always interested in my thoughts.

I finally understood what true love meant. love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own no matter how painful the choices might be, and sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people. and sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love but that doesn't make you love them any less. sometimes it makes you love them even more , there's no doubt it is like that.

that's how you know you love someone, i guess, when you can't experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too, and i guess my biggest mistake wasn't loving him, it was not knowing how to stop.

Ive been thinking about how all of the months seem to blend together when i am missing him, time hovers slowly through the seasons, but when i look back everything is so far away, i though by now i would be better but no one seems to notice the sting of anxiety lurking at the end of my words and everything that seem to be perfect, i am anchored to the darkest hole in the ocean, and he became the water that slipped trough the void in my fingers, but kept me afloat when my body was weighed heavy over troubles, i swam before i was pulled too high above the waves. It's been one year since his mouth first tasted the sorrow suspended off the edge of my lips, and the scariest part of all the time that has passed, is realizing how much has changed, but trying to make sense of how nothing feels different between me and him. I guess i am waiting for the day when i fall in love with being alive. Maybe then i will be able to fall in love with someone else.

and i guess that's whats happening, im afraid he didn't keep his promise, im afraid i wont see him again, im afraid i wont find anyone like him, because thats whats really happening.

I started missing him as soon as we said goodbye, but how can i move on when his fingerprints are still on my heart and his voice still resonates down to my toes and his smile lives in my eyes and everytime my mind wanders it goes directly to him, i have never missed anyone as much as i miss him.

When i was with him, i acted different..but in a good way. I tend to smile more and laugh more, i didn't have to pretend everything was ok when it wasn't when i was with him i could drop the fake smile and put a real one, he show me that he really care and he wasnt just pretending, i really appreciated his company because with him i was different. with him i was HAPPY.