Bucky's Anchor

Chapter 60 - Flashback to Wakanda

We hadn't talked much since the Dora Milaje left. Bucky was quieter than usual, but I could feel the heaviness in the air between us, unspoken. I watched him now, sitting at the edge of the bed, his face half-shadowed by the dim light in the room. His eyes were distant, lost in memories he wasn't ready to share.

I approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him. He didn't look up when I sat down beside him, just kept staring at the floor, his hand gripping the edge of the mattress like it was the only thing keeping him anchored.

"You're thinking about Wakanda," I said softly, not a question but a quiet observation.

He nodded, still silent. His chest rose and fell with deep, steady breaths, the kind of breathing that told me he was fighting something—something bigger than just the present.

"I didn't want to betray them," he finally whispered, his voice so low I almost missed it. "Wakanda gave me everything. I was at peace there. They gave me a life when I didn't think I deserved one."

I shifted closer, resting a hand on his back. "You didn't betray them, Bucky. You made a choice to try and stop Zemo from causing more harm. You didn't ask for this."

He shook his head slowly. "It doesn't matter. I'll always owe them for what they did for me."

There was a silence between us, and I could almost feel the memories flooding back for him. I knew what Wakanda meant to him—how it had been his sanctuary after everything, the place where he found a sense of peace for the first time in decades.

"They helped me heal," Bucky said, his voice rough. "It was... different there. It wasn't just the physical healing. It was something else. I felt... free."

I stayed quiet, letting him work through it at his own pace. I knew Wakanda wasn't an easy topic for him, but he needed this, needed to remember that it had been a time of healing, not guilt.

"Ayo... Shuri... They worked with me every day," he continued, finally meeting my eyes. "They used the words—the trigger words. Every time they said them, I was afraid."

His voice trembled slightly, and I felt the weight of those words in my chest. I knew what he meant—the fear of losing control, of becoming that weapon again, even when he was trying to become something else.

"I was sure I'd never be free from it," he admitted. "That no matter what, the Winter Soldier would always be there, waiting to take over."

I squeezed his hand, trying to offer some small comfort. "But you fought through it. You did the work, Bucky. It wasn't just them."

He nodded, but I could see the doubt in his eyes. "I couldn't have done it without them. Wakanda... they believed in me when I didn't believe in myself."

---

He stood, walking over to the window, staring out at the city skyline. I followed him, staying close but giving him space as he relived those moments.

"There was one day," he started again, his voice quieter now, like he was talking to himself. "Ayo said the words, the ones HYDRA used to control me. I braced myself, waiting for the switch to flip, for the darkness to come. But it didn't."

His hands tightened into fists at his sides, the tension in his shoulders betraying just how much that moment still haunted him. "Nothing happened. I was... free."

He turned to face me then, his eyes filled with a mixture of relief and pain. "I didn't believe it at first. I thought it was a trick, that it was all in my head. But when I looked at Ayo... I could see it in her eyes. She knew. I wasn't the Winter Soldier anymore."

Tears pricked at my eyes as I listened. I could only imagine what that moment had meant to him, to finally be free after decades of being trapped in a body he didn't control. But it also explained so much—the guilt he felt now, the weight of feeling like he'd broken something sacred between him and Wakanda.

I took a deep breath, stepping closer to him. "You've come so far, Bucky. You're not the man you were, and Wakanda knows that. They gave you a second chance, and you've been honoring that every day since."

He exhaled, rubbing a hand over his face. "It doesn't feel like it, not after today."

"You're human," I reminded him. "You're going to make mistakes, but that doesn't erase the work you've done. Ayo knows that. She saw the man you are, not the soldier."

For a moment, the weight of his past seemed too much to carry, but then he reached for me, pulling me close. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him as tightly as I could, letting him know that he wasn't alone.

"I thought I'd never be free," he whispered, his breath warm against my hair. "But I am. And I'm terrified of losing that."

---

I rested my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. There was so much I wanted to tell him, so much he didn't know. But standing here in his arms, I realized I couldn't wait any longer.

"Bucky," I whispered, my voice shaky. He pulled back slightly, looking down at me with concern.

"What is it?" he asked, his brow furrowing.

I took a deep breath, my heart racing. "I've been meaning to tell you something... something important."

His eyes softened, and he gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

I swallowed hard, feeling the weight of the secret I'd been carrying for weeks. But I couldn't do it. Not yet. "I'm glad you're ok."

For a moment, there was silence, he knew that wasn't what I wanted to say. But he didn't push me.

"I love you."

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. "I love you too, Bucky."