Living a Lie

Chapter 7

Writer: TheUnitedFandomOf1D

Editors: Amithisia and Kailucy

Dread. Padmé Amidala felt utterly dreadful. The shards her husband had left behind truly resembled the state of her soul. It felt as if she could barely breathe, and no matter how much she tried to gasp for air, there was so much around her, none would reach her. The tightness of her throat and the burning ache of her heart would remain.

Padmé had experienced misery many times before, losses have been haunting her since she was twelve years old and had been elected Queen. Helplessness and Guilt were no strangers to her, they were long acquaintances, reminding her constantly of her failures.

She curled deeper into the bed. Into the bed she shared with him, yet again another whimper threatened to escape her lips, they usually did whenever her thoughts traced to her husband, which meant regularly for the past few hours. Since the moment Anakin had left her behind. Padmé clutched her eyes tighter to stop the tear drops from falling, Anakin's pillow, she was holding it so dearly against her chest, was still damp from all her crying. She tried to inhale his scent but there was only a distant echo of it there, the burn in her chest intensified.

Oh no, the type of misery she was experiencing now was completely different and foreign to her. The constant companion she had priorly had been usually in the back of her head, whereas this internal turmoil has consumed her entire being, burning her from the inside out.

Padmé flinched recollecting the earlier events.

Rabé had found Padmé on the floor sobbing, her white dress soaking red, gripping Anakin's gift with such intensity that her handmaiden and confidante had not been able to pry it away from her wounded hands. Padmé had to nearly beg her to leave her alone and to not call Captain Typho, she could not stand to let Rabé see her like this.

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and shame, she was supposed to be strong and level-headed. Padmé had always felt obliged to be a role model and not be this... this pathetic and vulnerable mess.

Padmé had never shown extreme emotions, she had never cried in front of one of her handmaidens, so she understood why Rabé, the usually composed handmaiden, had paled after first seeing Padmé.

Despite Padmé's pleas, her friend had not left her, she had convinced Padmé to let her help with changing the soaked dress.

Padmé's lips thinned in bitterness, she did not even fully remember how Rabé had helped her out of the silky fabric, she only remembered that she had been silently crying the whole time, without one of them having uttered a single word.

Rabé had left her afterwards.

Approximately 9 hours had passed since then. 9 hours since Padmé had not left the bed. She couldn't sleep, eat or work, she had canceled everything senate related and further she had told her staff that she wished to be undisturbed in her apartment. She could not function properly, she felt as if she would never be complete again. Only Anakin could bring out this type of intensity out of her, may it be the brightest happiness and fulfillment she had ever felt or such serious sadness.

Oh Anakin, my Anakin, how she missed him.

If he had been here he would have taken her into his arms and wiped away her tears, demanding to know who had hurt her and that he would do everything to protect her from harm. Afterwards he would have told her one of his shenanigans that he pulled on Obi-Wan.

The hoarse laugh that broke out of Padmé turned into a choke, she buried her face into his pillow again. Anakin would not come and take her into his welcoming arms, he would not come at all tonight. She had been waiting, daring to hope that he would come back like last night but he did not. Her husband would also not ask who had hurt her, it was her fault and her fault alone. She had hurt him, her sweet husband that had made such an effort for her, that had waited up for her, while she had been eating with another man. What is wrong with me? she asked herself. Why had she focused on working, helping an old acquaintance, she could not even call him her ex-boyfriend, they had been children for force's sake. Her husband had been gone for weeks and she had gone to another meeting.