A heart that's broken

Not like Jimin

Jimin opened his eyes to sunlight,he'd forgotten to shut his blinds last night.
He sat up groaning and holding his head.
Damn how much had he drunk?
Looking down at himself he saw he was still half dressed and reeked of alcohol.
He stood up taking his clothes off and going into the bathroom using the fascilities then showering feeling a lot better afterwards.
Cleaning his teeth he looked in the mirror,his eyes were puffy and he looked tired.
Coming out he dressed then removed the bedding and took it to his laundry room .
A persistent ringing on his phone made him sigh .
"What?!?!"
"Jimin?"
"Oh Hobi...sorry I didn't mean to shout what's up?"
"What do you mean what's up? Where are you you were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago,"
"Here....?oh shit the meeting it's today!"
"Didn't you get the reminder last night?"
"Er I haven't looked at my phone....I'm on my way,"
He cursed he'd been so immersed in feeling sorry for himself he'd totally forgotten about today,he rang for a taxi as he was sure he'd probably still be over the limit.
On arrival he hurried to the meeting room hearing the others chatting as he got there.
"Sorry,I'm really sorry for making you all wait."
He decided to sit on a chair furthest away from Jungkook he didn't want him asking questions.....but he did anyway.
"Are you feeling better?"
"Were you sick Jimin?" Jin asked
"No I'm fine"
"Don't listen he went home because he didn't feel good last night."
"Oh I thought you'd been drinking your eyes are puffy?" Suga said.
"Can we get on I've wasted enough of your time already ?"
Rm nodded and began talking about the album arrangement but Jimin zoned out.
Did Jungkook have to look so damn good in that black outfit,would he dress up for his girlfriend...or would it be undress?
"So what do you think Jimin?"
"Huh?" He asked looking at RM
"Weren't you listening? It's bad enough you were late but have the decency to take part!"
Jimin not feeling in the best of moods exploded.
"Decency to take part?have you forgotten who always took notes for these meetings because none of you bothered to and who's suggestions were often not deemed important enough or you as leader had already decided?oh and of course who was the idiot who got most of you out of trouble when you hadn't learned the dance moves?well fuck it decide what you want just write it in the notes NOBODY'S WRITING!!!!!!
With that he got up and slammed out of the room.
The rest looked wide eyed at each other
"What was that about,that's not like Jimin?"
"I'll go after him..." Jungkook said disappearing
"He's got a point though,have any of us thought of writing stuff down?" Tae asked looking around
"Shit I should have shut my mouth,he's obviously having a bad day and I made it worse..."
Jin patted RM on the back,
"I'm sure he will apologise later don't worry everyone has an off day."
Jungkook caught up with Jimin just as he exited the building.
"Hey Jimin stop...."
Jimin halted and turned," what do you want Jungkook?"
"Well for starters why are you so mad it's not like you you're usually the peacekeeper?"
"Maybe I got sick of being taken for granted,"
"We appreciate you Jimin maybe we are a little remiss in showing that."
"Oh yeah ? You know sometimes I feel like I'm invisible,Hobi's the best dancer,your the main singer the rap line are all acknowledged and Tae and Jin are the handsome members and me....I'm the one who nearly didn't make it in the group the one you always voted last the chubby short one....i could go on but what's the point...."
"Jimin that was years ago,I did it as a joke surely you know that I respect you a great deal and you and Hobi are both class one dancers plus your often at the forefront in singing....i didn't realise you felt this way......"
"Jungkook do you ever know how I'm feeling or what's going on in my head?"
"Of course! Aren't we close don't we spend a lot of time together ?"
"What about my romantic interests?"
"Well er.....I don't know...I'm sure you must have had girlfriends....."
Jimin laughed but it was with sadness," you see what I mean,,,,?!"
"What?"
"I'm gay Jungkook.....I'm fucking gay!"
Jimin walked out hailing a taxi and climbing in leaving behind a stunned maknae.
Jungkook walked back inside going back to the room the others were in.
"Did you catch him up?"
"Mmmm"
"And?"
"He was....not in a talking mood,"
"I'll call him later," RM said
"Guys do you think we take Jimin for granted?" The maknae asked
"We were just talking about that and yes we do,he's always the efficient sane one who does things without being asked," RM said
"He gives the best hugs"Tae murmured
"First to make sure others are ok," Jin said
"Despite the nasty threats and unkind words about his more feminine nature he still perseveres ,"
"Yer being gay in our business isn't easy ,"Hobi said
Jungkook looked shocked," you know he's gay?"
"Kook he's never made a secret of it...we were glad you were with him in the military. We worried he might get bullied."
"You're the closest to him yet you sound surprised?"
Suga said
"He's always been just Jimin to me....yes he can be overly affectionate but that's how I've always seen him....and how does he know he's gay? I've never seen him with anyone and he's a right flirt around girls?"
"He said he can flirt because he knows it's not going anywhere....hes never told me about any hook ups though.." Tae murmured.
"Doesn't mean he doesn't have someone in his sights though," Hobi said looking at the maknae to see his reaction.
Jungkook was frowning he couldn't imagine Jimin in a relationship....
"Well if he does we have to have his back like he does ours," Rm said staunchly supporting the others rights.
Jungkook felt guilty about his total blindness towards Jimin's sexuality,he'll he should have known hadn't the other frequently stood up for the LGBTQ communities rights,wearing rainbow colours in his hair and T shirts with rainbow flag on?
"I wonder why he never made a move on one of us...." He muttered to no one in particular.
Jin and Hobi rolled their eyes how could someone be so dumb?
Just then RM's phone buzzed,he looked at it and smiled quickly typing something back.
"That was Jimin apologizing....said he has no right to act up and he's lucky to be a part of the group."
"Of course he's a part of the group and we are lucky to have him!" Tae said.
"Yer I said it was my fault too and maybe we are all a bit on edge about our comeback."
The others nodded but Jungkook was still upset at Jimins beliefs.
"Did you know he's uncertain of his place,he thinks we are all proper idols while he struggled to make his mark,I didn't realise his confidence was so low."
"I remember he nearly didn't make it into the group but he's certainly earned his place u can't imagine us without him.......I hope he understands that."rM frowned.
"Shall we carry on or call it a day?" Jin asked
"I'm not in the mood to do this now....." Suga muttered
As a group they decided to defer the meeting and went their separate ways.
Jungkook went to a florist to choose some flowers then on impulse swung by Jimin's .
He knocked then through habit used the key code going inside.
Music blared away but he came to a standstill seeing Jimin in vest top and shorts on the floor his legs stretched out in front of him and a bottle of whisky half empty on the floor beside him and an empty glass in his hand.
His head was lolled back against the sofa eyes closed.
"Jimin?what are you doing it's barely midday ....."
Jimin turned his head," who cares....."
"What's got into you,you're not like this!"
"Your face when I told you I was gay.....you know I thought you knew....all these years my best friend.....so I thought....the person I talk to the most....and you didn't know? I thought I was important to you but you didn't have a clue!!!!! It's funny isn't it???? "
"Of course you're important to me but well....your just Jimin..."
"Just Jimin.....god if only you knew what my mindset has been...! Actually I'm glad you don't that would be.......well never mind "
Jungkook listened to the others meanderings which got steadily quieter and he Slid sideways down to the floor just missing tipping the bottle over.
Jungkook ran over shaking him.," come on Jimin don't do this...."
He picked the other up carrying him to the bathroom and putting him under the water turning it on.
"Nooooooo....leave me alone....havent you done enough....."
Jimin struggled to his feet pulling the vestop off angrily throwing it aside.
"I hate you!! " he yelled at the other tugging his shorts off awkwardly stumbling around.
"Yer yer whatever be careful you'll slip,"
"Fuck off!"
"Boy you really are in a bad mood aren't you,it's a good job I'm used to you but maybe when you get a boyfriend you might want to curb that temper it's not a desirable trait!"
Jimin froze sobering up in seconds.
"Just go Jungkook go get ready for this wonderful date"
"I'll get you something to eat first,"
"Stop treating me like a naughty kid! Just go and don't think about coming back in anytime you want I'm changing the code!"
"Stop acting like a kid then !!"
Jimin stormed from the shower in his boxers grabbing the other with a strength he didn't know he had and pushing him down the hallway.
"Acting like a kid???hey Jimin what's on your mind? Oh thanks for asking Jungkook but you see I've recently found out someone I've cared about for years has no idea what I'm about,oh I'm sorry to hear that Jimin that must upset you.why yes it does Jungkook because I thought in my stupidness we were going somewhere.oh really did they give you that impression then.actually Jungkook no they didn't,I've just been living in a dream world which was shattered by five little words.really? That must hurt what did they say? You want to know,well my crush told me something I wasn't prepared to hear. Surely not Jimin what was it?
I'm going on a date.........."
By now Jimin was at the front door opening it and pushing a bemused Jungkook out.
"Jimin I......."
"Don't worry...I told you it was all in my head,maybe it's a gay weirdness....maybe it's just me being a sad fucker but don't come and preach to me....you have no idea how I feel......just go and when we next meet up let's pretend this never happened and treat each other with some respect though I doubt you've got any left for me.....finding out I'm gay and that I've crushed on you for years is probably making you sick to your stomach...."
Jimin was shivering both from cold and the fact he'd laid himself bare for the other to see.
"Go inside Jimin you'll catch cold ," Jungkook had gone to push the other inside but drew back something Jimin registered.
He gave a sad smile...." See....,now you can't even touch me...." Jimin turned pressing something on his keypad and then going slowly inside his small frame seemed dejected.As the door closed Jungkook moved towards it..." no Jimin it's not that....." he pressed the numbers but the lock didn't open.
"It's not that....I just don't want to hurt you...." He whispered staring at the door before turning away dejectedly.