Whispers in the Dark

Chapter 14: Breakdown

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SUMMARY:    Hinata becomes overwhelmed with impending parenthood

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Hinata is putting away the freshly laundered baby clothes that Miwa gave him. He is alone in the apartment since Kageyama is out shopping for groceries. Hinata used to enjoy going with him, but nowadays he gets too tired walking around the store. He is twenty-eight weeks along, and less than three months remain until the baby is due. His belly is getting bigger and more uncomfortable each day, his ankles are swelling, and his back hurts more often than not.

He folds the tiny baby clothes and places them neatly in the dresser that Kageyama used as a child. He counts how many he has of each item, onesies, pajamas, tiny undershirts, then consults the list he's compiled from various sources that tells him what he will need for his baby. There are so many items left unchecked so far that it makes him a bit anxious, but now that he has some of the clothing items, he wants to see how many of each clothing item he should have.

It doesn't say.

How many does he need? Should he buy more undershirts? Does he need more onesies? It doesn't say. Why doesn't it say?

All at once, emotions overwhelm him. If he can't even figure out what items to buy, how is he going to raise a tiny, helpless pup on his own? How will he know what the baby needs, how to take care of them and keep them safe and healthy?

He's convinced he won't know, that he will somehow screw up the child, that he will be a miserable failure as a parent.

His sobs come, strong and deep, and tears overflow.

He has no idea what he's going to do. He's terrified he will not be able to care for his child. He's already a failure because he doesn't even know what to buy, and it's going to hurt like hell when he gives birth, and that terrifies him as well. And he doesn't even have a birth plan! The doctor said he needs one and he doesn't have it yet.

He is a failure. He will be a failure.

He wants his mom. She would know what to do, what to say. She could help him with all these confusing emotions and all the things he doesn't know.

He drops to the floor on his knees and cries even harder as despair overtakes him and combines with fear and regret and longing for his family that he misses so dearly.

It's too much. It's all too much.

He's overwhelmed now, lying on his side on the floor with his arm over his face. He doesn't know how long he lies there before he hears Kageyama's voice.

"Hinata! Are you alright? What happened? Are you hurt? Is it the baby?"

Hinata shakes his head without removing the arm that covers his face. "I'm not hurt. The baby's fine."

He thinks he hears Kageyama let out a relieved breath. "Then what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Hinata shakes his head again, unwilling or unable to admit his failures to his friend, to this alpha that he wants so badly to be his. An alpha wants a competent, nurturing omega, not a miserably inept one. Not a loser like Hinata. How can he admit to this amazing alpha how horrible he is doing, how badly he will do?

He can't.

He lets out another sob.

"Hinata, you're scaring me. What's wrong? Talk to me."

Kageyama's voice is soft, and it makes Hinata feel worse. He is so inadequate as an omega.

When he doesn't answer, Kageyama gently removes the arm from covering Hinata's face. "Hinata? Talk to me, please. I want to help. Let me help."