AMOR FATI (Love of fate)

Chapter 5 Clean Slate

It's been a week since I last encountered anyone from the Steward family. I realized I needed a break from everything, so I decided to take a week off work and visit my parents' hometown. It was a much-needed escape. Although they are no longer with me, I could still feel their presence in every corner of the place. I even made time to visit their graves, and I ended up staying there, talking to them, for what seemed like hours. Time seemed to blur as I poured out my thoughts, feeling both comforted and grounded in their memory.

After returning to Seattle from my parents' hometown of Ballard, I was quickly reminded of the bustling energy of the city, bringing me back to reality. I had just two days left before I was due to rejoin my company, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed something more-a fresh start. By that, I meant not just a return to routine, but a real change, possibly with a new company. The thought of moving to a different city crossed my mind, but the idea seemed daunting. After all, Seattle had offered everything one could need to build a successful career. The opportunities here were vast, the community vibrant, and it had already given me so much. Still, the desire for something new lingered, making the decision to stay or leave feel all the more complicated.

After much contemplation over those two days, I finally made a decision. I resolved to resign from the company and took the first step by beginning my search for new opportunities elsewhere. With six solid years of experience under my belt, I felt confident that I could secure a role that better aligned with my passion for people management. That belief carried me through as I walked into the office that morning, mentally preparing myself for the transition ahead.

However, before I could even reach my desk, Lisa came rushing toward me, concern evident on her face. The first thing she asked was, "How are you holding up?" She knew all too well about my feelings for Chris and how painful it had been for me to watch him grow close to June. It was a situation that weighed heavily on me and seeing them together was something I simply couldn't endure any longer. I poured my heart out to her, explaining everything that had been weighing on my mind-everything except my decision to quit. For some reason, I wasn't ready to share that part yet.

As usual, I began my workday, diving into the tasks at hand. The Automation Project I had been managing was still unfinished, and with deadlines looming, I immersed myself in it. After a while, I felt the need for a break-coffee was calling my name. Lisa and I decided to head downstairs to grab some and clear our minds before returning to our desks.

As we reached the café, I saw him again. It had been a week since the last time, and somehow, he looked even more striking. Chris. And, of course, June was with him, standing by his side as they placed their orders. Lisa and I queued up next, exchanging quiet conversation. After they ordered, Chris glanced in my direction-just for a second-but it felt like time slowed down. Then, just as quickly, he turned his attention back to June.

As we moved forward in line, the barista, who had grown familiar with my habit, leaned in and whispered, asking if I would be ordering the same thing as the CEO, as I had done many times before. But not this time. I couldn't keep letting my thoughts drift to Chris. Not today. So I smiled at the barista and said, "No, I'll have an iced latte with caramel, please."

Lisa raised an eyebrow in surprise, and even the barista seemed momentarily stunned. They both exchanged glances as if I'd made an unexpected move. Meanwhile, Chris, who was waiting for his usual double espresso, glanced back at me more than once, almost as if he noticed the shift too. But then, without a word, he collected his coffee, and together with June, they walked off to wherever their day was taking them.

I immersed myself in my work, focusing intently for much of the morning. After some time, I decided to draft my resignation email, a task I had been putting off for a while. Once I finished, I locked my system and stepped out to grab lunch. Wanting a change of pace, I chose to eat out and enjoy something different for a change. By the time we returned to the office, we were about ten minutes late getting back to our desks. Just as I sat down, my manager approached me and informed me that the CEO was asking for me and I needed to head to his office immediately.

I was caught off guard. In all my time at the company, I had never been summoned by Chris before. As I walked to his office, I noticed that I wasn't the only one called in-several other team members, along with my manager, were also heading in the same direction. When we arrived at his office, the atmosphere felt tense. Chris looked visibly upset, his expression a mix of frustration and anger. I had no idea what had triggered this reaction.

As soon as I stepped inside, he didn't waste time getting straight to the point. "How is your project going?" he asked, his tone sharp. I began explaining the current status, emphasizing that we were in the final stages. Before I could even finish, he cut me off, his voice rising in frustration. "You've been working on this project for three months, and there's still no significant progress. You keep telling me it's nearly complete, yet here we are. On top of that, you've taken unannounced time off, and no one seems to know why. It's clear you've been slacking off. Just because my parents have supported you doesn't mean you can take advantage of that generosity. Frankly, it's clear you're not cut out for this. It would be better if you just quit." His words hit me hard. I felt a lump forming in my throat, and my eyes welled up with tears. I was caught completely off guard by the intensity of his reaction. It felt as though all my efforts and hard work were being dismissed in an instant. Struggling to keep my composure, I managed to say, "I will finish this project and then resign from the job." Once I returned to my desk, I immediately sent my resignation email to HR. In my message, I also requested that a replacement be found for my role. Additionally, I asked that my departure not be disclosed to anyone in the company. I assured them I would fulfill my notice period of 30 days requirements.

She softly murmured to herself thinking of Chris, "You're a language I don't wish to master, yet I still remember how to read you."

In shadows whispered, secrets flow,

A language learned, but best to forego.

Though fluency fades, the memories stay,

I read your words in a distant way.