Losing Isabella

Chapter One - The Letter

The school counsellor told me that if I wrote a letter to her everything would be alright but he was wrong. Even then I knew, nothing would be alright. Nothing would be the same but I tried anyway.

“Dear Isabella,

I know you won’t ever get to read this. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. I went through that scrapbook I made with you in year 7. All the photos, quotes & memories. It was hard to believe there wasn’t going to be any more. The further I went through the book the tears began to fall and they didn’t stop. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since your death.

Remember when it was raining and the road was empty. We stayed up until 3am dancing and singing in the rain. Someone had called the cops because we were too noisy however when the police car came we ran like there was no return. I felt invincible. Our parents grounded us for it, but I had the best time so it was worth it.

When we were seven and we planned our future. We were going to be princesses and marry princes. Impossible but we still dreamed. With you anything was possible.

Why did you have to go? It doesn’t make sense why you were taken instead of me. No matter how many people tell me your death wasn’t my fault, I know it was.  I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I miss you. 

You are my best friend and my soul sister. Remember at my 16th birthday party when we were all drunk out of our minds and you suddenly started crying. Everyone was stunned but then you started talking about lights on buildings and everything that made you wonder. Josh sat down and started laughing. You started laughing. I started laughing. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

We were going to be forever. Even though, you’re not here anymore we’ll still always be forever. You’re always on our minds, in our hearts and in our prayers.

See you on the other side,

Alyssa.”

I folded it up into three and slid it into the envelope. I wrote:

“To Isabella, my best friend. 

Heaven, a better place.

I love you”

Instead of posting the letter I placed it under my pile of poems in the bottom drawer of my study desk. I didn’t want some nosy post man to read it especially not when I had just poured my whole heart out.

For a few seconds I sat on the edge of my bed watching myself in the mirror. I could barely recognise the puffy red eyes I now possessed. Nor could I ever remember having scars all over my body. This stranger stared back at me and I didn’t like the look of her one bit.

If you want to understand how I landed here we have to take it right back, right back to the beginning of the year. Back to the summer of 2010.

A/N: Photo of Alyssa in right column.