Déjà vu sonder

C-10 Echoes in Solitude

Now, Alex is sitting in class, writing, trying to figure out what they should do later. Honestly, their head feels kind of numb, but in a good way. The music they're listening to is so good and relaxing. Ambient music really does it for them. In class, Alex often gets lost in the songs—they feel like they're the only one present in the room. Most of the time, people don't show up. They seem a bit incompetent, so the energy in the room is dead—it's just Alex and the teacher. Sometimes two other people come in. One is Alex's neighbor, and the other is someone they used to work with in the kitchen, so they know both of them.

But Alex has taken a step back because sometimes these people won't show up for a whole week, and Alex just feels distracted when they're around. So, they sit in an almost empty room every day from 8 to 3. Yes, there are other students in the class, but this school is so incompetent that people slack off all the time, and Alex feels alone even with four other people around.

Alex often gets lost in the music, especially when they find random piano playlists on YouTube. They listen to them all day at school, and if they really like them, they go home and play them on their speakers while doing everyday tasks or gaming. It gives Alex a numb, peaceful feeling. When they're on a bus or train, listening to those piano tracks while staring out the window feels almost magical—no thoughts, no worries, just the music.

For the past few days, Alex has been doing 100 sit-ups and push-ups outside. They've lost so much blood from nosebleeds that their energy has hit rock bottom. Now, they can barely do 15 pull-ups or dips, so they're back to calisthenics. After their little workout, they just lie on the ground with their headset on, staring into the sky, and take a nap. The instruments in the music are so soothing, and despite still thinking, they feel at peace. It was so calm, and the weather was nice. Alex stayed outside for a little over two hours until it started getting dark and cold.

They've been praying to God about their future and their exams because, honestly, Alex is a bit worried. They feel prepared— their Danish is good, they've completed multiple assignments, and they've written a lot. The same goes for their English subject. But Alex knows they'd be really sad, and they wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they were to fail. Still, they don't think they will. Alex just wants to finish this chapter of their life. They feel stuck in a way. They go to the same incompetent school every day, and most of the teachers are sick, so they rarely have math. Alex isn't pointing fingers, but it just doesn't feel serious. They get handed a text with numbers, told to find the errors, and explain them.

Honestly, Alex doesn't even want to think about it anymore. They're just bored, and writing is nice. Seeing their thoughts spelled out in black on a white page is satisfying. It almost feels like magic—the way they can process their thoughts before putting them into words. The ambient music playing in the background adds to the effect, and Alex's mind becomes almost fantasy-like, which they don't mind.

Here they are, in class again, and the subject is math, but the teacher is sick, as usual. There's nothing much going on. The other people—Alex calls them "people" because they don't know what else to call them—are just sitting and chatting about random stuff. They're ranting, but Alex can't hear them due to their music, which is a blessing. They just see their gestures and notice the teacher walking around, talking, and pointing fingers. One guy to Alex's left is actually trying to do math, while to their right, there's a girl just sitting and talking. She's not that old—just your average teenager. About 30 degrees to Alex's right, there's a guy with a pencil in his mouth, watching something on his PC.

That's a quick summary of what this class looks like. Alex just wants the day to pass so they can get home, lie in bed, and stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to do next. They really hope it will rain and storm tonight. After some time staring, they'll probably go outside for their daily workout, then head back inside to stare again. Alex wishes they could play the sounds they're listening to right now for others—they really make them space out and disappear into the music.