My dance teacher is cute | Haobin

13 - Just checking on him

POV: Zhang Hao | SATURDAY EVENING

Why am I always the one holding on too tightly?

I just wanted to be chosen tonight—for once, I wanted to be the priority. But maybe that was too much to hope for. I watched him, anxiety clawing at my chest as I waited for his response.

He hesitated, then spoke, "You should get dressed and head back to your room too, Hao." His voice was calm, almost distant. He walked over, picked up his shirt from the bed, and pressed it into my hands.

I stared at him, my chest tightening like it always did when I realized I wasn't enough for anyone. Wordlessly, I slipped the shirt on as he stood by the door, waiting. I stepped into the hallway, and with a soft click, the door closed behind me. "See you tomorrow," he said, his voice fading as he walked away—just like everyone else in my life.

For a moment, I stood there, unable to move. The weight of it settled deep in my gut, the familiar knot forming in my throat. My eyes stung, but I forced it all back down like I'd been doing for years. I knew better by now-tears wouldn't change anything, and no one would care if I shed them.
I learned how to bury the pain so deep that even I couldn't find it sometimes.

Finally, I moved, stepping into the cold night air, the chill hitting my fevered skin like a slap. I welcomed the cold, let it seep into me, because maybe it could numb something inside that I couldn't.

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it with shaky hands, the flicker of the flame almost too bright against the dark. I sat down on the sidewalk, watching the smoke swirl around me, filling the emptiness inside. I tilted my head back, staring up at the stars-the only thing that never left.

I closed my eyes, letting the smoke ease the ache in my chest, wishing it could fill the spaces people had left behind. But even then, I couldn't let anyone see how much it hurt.

Not even myself.

The sound of cars pulling up snapped me out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes, watching the trainees step out of the company vans. They spotted me, and the group I was with started walking over. I sighed, wishing they would leave me alone.

I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Hao, are you okay?" Matthew asked, kneeling down next to me. I nodded, hoping he'd let it go. I didn't need them seeing me like this—too vulnerable, too close to breaking. I stood up quickly, stubbing out my cigarette, trying to pull myself together.

"Really? You don't look good. Let's head up together—" Matthew reached out, grabbing my arm, but I flinched hard, yanking my arm away. He stumbled, falling back onto the street, looking up at me with confusion. Gunwook rushed to help him, his face tight with anger as he glared at me.

"We all had a hard day, Hao! Get it together!" Gunwook snapped, his voice rough with frustration.

I couldn't help it—I laughed in his face.

"Let me look for fucks to give," I spat, watching his expression harden. He took a step toward me, but Ricky moved in, grabbing his arm to hold him back.

I rolled my eyes, already tired of the whole thing, turning away when Jui came up beside me. "Let's go up," he said, his tone serious. I didn't argue, following him silently back to our room.

As soon as we got inside, Jui turned to face me, his voice low. "What did you and Hanbin do outside the bowling alley?" He was whispering, cautious, but I knew he already had an idea.
Jui knew about me and Hanbin. I'd told him because there was no way around it.

"We just made out," I said, collapsing onto my bed, feeling the exhaustion pull me under. Jui sighed, like he was carrying the weight of my mistakes too.