Dear Jun

One

Dear Jun,

I saw you today in a heartbreaking state—hiding the pain behind your understanding eyes. To show support with your face, but behind the layers of your dark brown pupils show your lack of choice but to cope, it pains me.

Nobody else can see the pain in your heart. Nobody can hear the wails of your soul. Oh, if only they can see.

If only I had the ability to make your kindness apply to yourself as well, but alas, even I'm weak to your strength—the strength to keep going. The tenacity to just take and take and take the beatings, the hurts, to see your world crumble and your own spirit break into pieces...

I admire that about you, Jun. No matter how much you gave up and wanted to stop in place, you always find a way to eventually stand up and walk again.

So, if I can't help you be kind to yourself, there's something I can definitely do to help you. I will stay by your side and love you. Forever. Always. No matter what. Come what may. Even if you reject me. Even if you shove me aside. Even if you ignore my presence and get lost in the dark.

Because I know, you needed someone to be there too. I'm your husband—of course I know what your heart truly feels. I'll be with you.

Through silence and laughter. Through tears and joy. Coldness to warmth. Anything for you, my beloved.

Seeing you sad everyday breaks my heart. Seeing me sad breaks your heart, too. Misery loves company—for the both of us, this is our way to bond.

To record my love for you and etch to the grain of sand on this Earth, I vow to this very day to write to this journal to express how I feel, and for you to see it, feel it, believe it. I will still—and always—love and make your heart cared for. I will make you happy.

In return, that will make me happy too.

Call me crazy, but I never get tired of seeing you sad and have the world against you. This is one of my many ways to show you how much I love you. I will fulfill my duties as your husband, and when you finally feel the warm sunlight again, I will make you happier.

Right now, you're in a state of nothingness. In between numb and pain. The gray area of this chaos and that's alright, my Jun. Please allow yourself to be in this state because I will do my best to pull you out of it.

I will embrace you with all my love and protection. No matter what, I'll always love you with whatever state you'll be in because you're my beloved wife.

Signed,

Arthur