Saving Me: Ruinene

Walls Too High (11)

Nene

I haven't been able to get Rui out of my head. It's been a few days since we last spoke, and I can't shake the feeling that something's wrong— more wrong than he's letting on. I've never seen him like this before, so distant. It's like he's built a wall around himself, and I'm scared I won't be able to break through.

I see him by the school courtyard during lunch. He's sitting alone a bunch, staring at his phone. Alone... all alone. My heart starts pounding as I make my way towards him. I have to try again.

"Rui..?"

He doesn't look up right away. I can tell he knows it's me. There's a small hesitation in the way his fingers stop scrolling.

"I wanted to see if you were okay... we-we didn't really finish talking um, last time..."

Rui finally looks up at me, and there's this tiredness in his eyes. Not the kind you get from staying up too late, but the kind that settles in your bones when you've been carrying something heavy for too long.

Rui: "I'm fine, really."

He stands up quickly, brushing past me like he's trying to end the conversation before it even starts. But I won't let him slip away again.

"No... you're not."

I reach out and grab his arm, forcing him to stop. My voice comes out shakier than I'd like, but I don't care. I need him to understand that I'm here for him.

"You don't need to do this alone. I'm worried for you."

He pulls his arms away, his eyes narrowing. I've never seen him look at me like this before.

Rui: "I said I'm fine! Why do you keeping asking? Just... worry about yourself!"

The words hit me hard, like a slap. I flinch, my hand dropping to my side. My throat tightens, and I can't speak for a second, but I force myself to stay calm.

"I can't worry about myself when you're like this. Y-you're my friend."

He laughs, but it's a hollow, bitter sound that makes my chest ache.

Rui: "Your friend? You don't get it, do you? You can't fix everything, Nene. Not like this."

There's this anger... and sadness in his voice that I've never heard before. It's not directed at me, not really, but it feels like a wave crashing over everything. He steps back, shaking his head.

Rui: "I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. Just... leave me alone."

I want to reach out to him, to say something that will make it all better, but the look on his face stops me. He's hurting so much, but he's shut me out completely. I feel helpless, like no matter what I say, I can't get through him.

"Rui... please..."

My voice is above a whisper now. You can hear it crack, but it doesn't matter. He's already turning away, walking off with his head down, leaving me standing there with all these words I can't say. I can feel tears stinging at my eyes, but I force them back. He doesn't want me to cry. He doesn't want me around.

I watch him disappear down the path, and all I can think about is how I've failed him.