Saving Me: Ruinene

Jump, Jump, More More Jump (13)

Rui

I've made up my mind.

Standing on the rooftop, I can feel the weight of everything crashing down on me, heavier than before. It's too much. I can't keep pretending I'm fine, that I can handle it on my own. I've tried, haven't I? I've tried to keep going, to make things work. But it's pointless.

The emptiness stretches out in front of me. All I have to do is take one step. One step. Just one.

I clench my teeth, feeling the rough texture of the railing beneath my fingers. The wind whips around me, cold and harsh, like it's telling me to stop. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. No one will care. Nene... she'll move on, just like everyone else has.

One step. That's all it takes.

I close my eyes, breathing in deeply, trying to silence the chaos in my head. Just for a moment, I want peace.

Nene

The second I hear it, I know something's wrong.

Class has been dragging on, and I haven't been able to focus. My mind keeps drifting to him. I know something's off. And when one of my classmates casually says, "I saw that purple-haired weirdo head to the roof, wonder what's he's gonna do there," my heart stops.

Rui... the roof...

Without thinking, I bolt out of my chair. The teacher calls my name, but I don't care. I don't have time. I need to find him. I push through the hallway, barely noticing anyone around me. My chest feels tight, and panic surges through me with every step.

What if I'm too late? What if he—

No. I can't let myself think that.

I run faster, my feet pounding against the stairs, the echo of my footsteps pushing me forward. The door to the roof is just ahead. Please, let me make it in time.

Rui

I stand at the edge, staring down at the world below.

It would be so easy. Just one step, and it all stops. The pain, the loneliness, the feeling that I don't belong anywhere... it would all disappear.

I take a deep breath, my hands shaking as they grip the railing. I can't feel anything anymore, just this numbness that spreads through me like a fog. No one would care, right? Everyone will be fine without me...

Take it. Take that one step.

Nene

I slam the door open, the wind whipping through my hair as I step on the roof. And then I see him.

He's standing at the edge, his back to me, so close to the ledge that my heart nearly stops. No, no, no—

Without thinking, I sprint forward, my chest heaving with fear. He doesn't hear me, doesn't see me coming. And just as he starts to move—

I throw myself at him, tackling him to the ground, my arms wrapping around him so tightly that it hurts. My breath is ragged, and tears blur my vision as I cling to him, desperate, terrified.

"Rui, don't!"

He struggles beneath me, trying to push me off, but I hold on tighter, burying my face against his shoulder. I can't let go. I won't.

"Please... don't... don't do this..."

Rui

I'm on the ground before I even realized what happened. Nene's holding me, her grip tight and trembling, her voice is shaking with something I've never heard from her before. She's crying. Why is she crying?

I try to pull away, but she won't let go. She won't stop holding me.

"Let go... I-"

Nene: "No! I won't!"

Her words hit me like a punch to the chest. I can hear her sobbing, her breath catching as she tries to speak through her tears.

Nene: "I can't lose you... I can't..."

I freeze. Her voice. The way she says it. She sounds so scared, so broken. My heart twists painfully in my chest.

"You... you shouldn't care this much."

Nene: "BUT I DO! I DO CARE ABOUT YOU, RUI! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!"

Her words slam into me, breaking down everything I've been telling myself. I thought I was alone, that no one would care if I was gone. But Nene... she's here. She's holding me. She's begging me not to go.

I freeze. She's crying. She's crying because of me. Why? Why does she care so much?

Nene

I can't stop crying. I don't care if he sees. I don't care about anything except keeping him here, keeping him from slipping away.

I feel him stop moving, and for a second, I think he's going to push me away. But then... he doesn't. He just goes still. His shoulders shake, and then I hear him crying too. His sobs are quiet at first, but they grow louder, and it's like something in him is breaking open.

Rui

I didn't think anyone cared.

I didn't think anyone could understand.

But here she is, holding me like her life depends on it, and all I can do is cry. Everything I've been holding in, all the pain, the loneliness, it all comes pouring out, and I don't know how to stop it.

"I don't know what to do... I don't know how to make it stop."

She pulls back just enough to look at me, her hands gripping my shoulders. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, but she looks determined, like she's not going to let go of me no matter what.

"You don't have to do this alone, Rui. I'm here. I'll always be here. No matter what."

I stare at her, unsure of what to say. Everything feels like a mess, like I don't know how to untangle all these emotions running through me.

But she's here. She came for me.

Maybe I'm not so alone as I thought.

notes: this has to be one of my favorite chapters I'm writing. It explains how people like Rui are struggling of suicidal thoughts, and I just wanted to point out that no matter what you think, there is always someone who will care for you. Even if you have no one, Jesus will be there for you. (Just wanted to share my religion with y'all.)

"You, who are weary and burdened, come to me, and I shall give you rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

I hope I can help you guys who are struggling with this. Leave all your stress to God, because he cares for you. And I do too.