Will probably delete later
Agghhh i actually hate venting so much i find it really cringe when i do it but i just have to get some shit off my chest
Please dont feel you have to read if you get triggered by SH cause theres quite a bit of that.
PLEASE DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT ANYONE I MENTION HERE IN THE COMMENTS. that ain't nice yall.
So like similar time last year, my Parents decided to divorce, cause of something really bad that happened to my sister. It was fine at first cause then all the arguing was over and i could actually sleep at night without screams through the house, but now its so fucking shit now.
I started feeling properly depressed around the beginning of year 8, and it got better for a little while, but the second i got into year 9, it hit me again like a FUCKING train.
Me, my mum and my sister are moving from Scotland down to Devon very soon, and theres been so much fucking stress with finding a house, but eventually we found a tiny one, so thats good now. My Dad is pretty upset about it cause we're moving to a literal different country, and since Devon is like at the bottom of the UK, its a Loooooonng drive to go see him.
Recently i swear to god hes depressed. I cant talk to him without a passive agressive reply, and hes just so fucking miserable, to the point where i just genuinely couldn't cope anymore and had a massive mental breakdown last night. The good thing was i didnt manage to relapse at least.
(trigger warning for self harming from now on)
It first started like once in year 7, which is pretty fucking young, but it was because i was dating someone who was really two faced at the time and it was draining me to the point where i thought i was doing everything wrong. Im still friends with that girl now, and i think shes dating another girl now, which is good because at least shes nice and things aren't awkward between us.
I had so many relapses in year 8 after the thing with my parents and shit happenjng at school. The cuts weren't too deep, but theres still scars everywhere. I can't remember most of the times i did it, but i think it was because i was literally failing the entire year, and my friend ditched me for this other girl who practically just follows her around. I dont hate either of them now, and i prefer to just talk to the girl once in a while than what we had before.
Another relapse was about two weeks ago mainly because i was stressed, which fucking sucks because i was clean for two months. I told myself this is the last relapse though. Its literally not worth it and it sucks so bad.
Sorry for all this yall but please for the love of god DON'T FUCKING HURT YOURSELF. ITS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU COULD ACTUALLY POSSIBLY DO AND LITERALLY NOT A SINGLE PERAON ON THIS PLANET DESERVES IT. JESUS CHRIST JUST ACTUALLY FUCKIMG DON'T.
Notice all the friends i mention are girls? Try being transgender at an all girls school and only realising after you joined and the school is so high regarded i cant leave because im getting a good education 🤪
When i hear or read someone actually using He pronouns i get a jumpscare like "Im a he!? Oh wtf yeah i am" because i get so fucking used to "She" that my head just autocorrects it by now.
Anyway sorry for the masaive vent. Kind of whi i havent been writing much. Don't worry though, im not going anywhere. I have too much to live for than to do sfupid shit like this.
Stay safe yall 💗💗💗💗
