I Only Sleep (To Rest) || Buddie

I Only Sleep (To Rest)

A/N: This story deals with some pretty heavy topics. There are direct mentions of suicide and suicidal tendencies, so keep that in mind as you go in. If this might not be good for you or your mental health, please save for a later time or don't read. My intention with this story is not to harm anyone.

"Hey, Bud. What's up?" Buck asks sleepily, his eyes barely open when he answers the phone. It's early, but he's never going to ignore a call from Chris. If he's calling at this hour, it must be important. Buck fears that he already knows exactly what it is. It's been going on for weeks.

"I uhh... I need a ride to school."

Yeah, there it is. There is a ping in Buck's heart because he knows exactly what that means. "I'll be there as quickly as I can." He gets up, throws on some clothes, and heads out the door as fast as he can. He nearly trips on his way down the stairs. He looks at the time and realizes if he doesn't leave immediately, Chris might be late.

Buck tries not to panic on the way over, but it's hard. Picturing Chris sitting on the couch by himself. His backpack next to him and Eddie... God, Eddie.

When he gets there, he runs straight to the door. Chris is already standing there, ready. He just helps him get his stuff to the car, then takes off. He hates that he doesn't have time to go inside, but he'll be back.

There are a few minutes of complete silence. He knows this isn't something Chris should have to deal with, but if he's going to try and help, he's going to need some of the details. "Still not getting out of bed?" He feels sick just asking him about it... picturing it.

"No... he got up last night to take a shower, but that's it." And he got out of bed the day before to go to work... Buck adds that in his head to try and make himself feel a bit better. Then he starts thinking about Eddie on that shift. Staying in the bunk room every second he could, only coming out when the bells went off. He didn't even speak unless it was necessary.

"I'll fix this. I'll find some way to fix it." He tries to reassure Chris, but how can you reassure a kid who has to watch their parent in bed every second of the day? Buck thinks back to his childhood. Sometimes his mom would get in these bouts of depression, wouldn't get up for a week or two. Now he realizes it always happened around the time of year Daniel died.

It was scary for him and it was something he was used to. He can't even imagine how terrifying it must be when it's foreign.

"You're doing enough, Buck..." He's not telling him to not try more, but with his dad not getting out of bed, the last thing he needs is Buck thinking he's not enough, not doing enough.

"Then I'll have to do something else. I'm not going to leave you high and dry, Chris. I promise. I know... I know this can be scary, but you aren't alone." He wishes he could give him a reassuring look, but he has to keep his eyes on the road.

"I know..." He replies solemnly as he continues to stare out his window the rest of the way to his school.

"Call me if you need anything else, okay?" Buck leans out the window into the chilly morning air as he watches Chris walk to the doors.

"I will." He walks into the school and quickly disappears. Buck wishes he could stay with him. Help him through the day. He knows he's going to school and pretending everything is perfectly fine. He wants him to know he doesn't have to pretend. But he can't go in with Chris, and even if he could, that would mean he couldn't go back to Eddie, and that's what he really needs to focus on. If he helps Eddie, it'll help Chris too.

Buck pulls away from the school. His car is so quiet. It doesn't feel appropriate to turn on any kind of music right now. Everything feels so... numb. He even keeps his window rolled down a bit, letting the cold air hit his face just to feel something other than... whatever the hell he's feeling.