"There will be no divorce, ever. So think before you say yes." His view fixated on her.
"I've already said yes." Her voice and eyes were dim, too much for anyone to not notice.
"I'm a cruel man so don't you dare humiliate me if you get cold feet and...
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"Is my Shahwar free to go with me somewhere next Saturday?" Rehaan sat holding his fork looking at his wife during dinner.
"Oh yes of course." She replied happily. But then she remembered it wasn't her off day and since she'd taken days off last month unannounced to go with Rehaan for his work trip previously, it seemed like her boss might want to kick her out of the cafe hearing about another off. "Is it possible to go on a Sunday? That's my off day." She felt a little nervous if he'd refuse.
"Okay sweetheart." That's what she loved about her husband, he never looked down at her work no matter what. He always gave importance to her work just as he did his own.
Rehaan finished the dinner and Shahwar waited for him to say something about the food was but he just smiled at her not saying anything. Shahwar remembered how he had thoughtfully thanked the cook back at the guest house every single night till they had stayed there. Ever since they came back she had tried to make new dishes according to his preferences but he hadn't once said that the food was well cooked or if he had liked it. Every day she would try to do something better than before but it seemed like her food didn't appeal to him. Maybe she should not force her cooked food onto him.
She felt like she wasn't good enough for that matter. She smiled back at him and he got up to go to the room. Minutes later Shahwar went to the room too. Rehaan was inside the bathroom, like his routine for a shower and she started combing her hair slowly in front of the dresser sitting on the small stool seat.
She kept on combing her hair on and on and Rehaan came out of the bathroom and saw his wife, a smile would spread across his face automatically whenever he'd see her. He bent to kiss her forehead as he would every single minute of every day with the time whenever he'd be in the room. He could never have his mind on anything else whenever she was in front of him. Shahwar was a need to stay alive for him. His need.
The moment Shahwar felt a touch on her forehead she was met with Rehaan's eyes glistening from the aftermath of the shower. The kiss left specs of water on her forehead because of the few droplets that fell off of his hair and she slowly wiped them when he pressed another one on her cheek, "I love you." She had said with all her heart.
Shahwar yearned for him to say it back to her. At first she didn't want to want it because she thought maybe it would take him time to say it or maybe she'd said it and it would sound like he was trying to be nice to her by saying it right away too. But now, now it had been a while. It wasn't that he wouldn't shower her with all the love that was required but he had never said it. And she longed to hear it every time she would tell him that she loved him. Even once would have been enough for her.
He picked her up and carried her to bed and then slowly pushed her hair strands away from her face stroking her hair, "I don't think I can ever grow out of the feeling that you are mine."
She wanted him to say that he was hers too. "I'm yours right?" She tried to get him to say something close to her expectation.
"Forever." He rubbed his face on her chest and then rested it there. Shahwar's hands went to his hair on their own brushing them as she thought about if he had been expressing his feelings in his own way all along and she hadn't been considerate enough or maybe she was being too sensitive.
Maybe it was alright if he hadn't said it. He did do everything else that made her love him right? Maybe it was enough that she had been expressive. One of them was enough to say it. She kissed his hair when he fell asleep in the same position. She loved him. It was enough. For both of them.
The next morning Shahwar woke up a little late unlike herself and went down for breakfast. Rehaan had already eaten and was about to leave, "Sweetheart I had breakfast without you, I'm sorry I didn't want to disturb your sleep either."
"It's okay." She smiled at him. "Have a good day."
"Take care jaan." He walked towards the exit lounge and Shahwar suddenly decided to go after him and surprise him with something before he could leave.
She walked as fast as she could and then stopped in front of him, "Rehaan!" She hugged him tightly and he held her tightly. "I love you." She didn't care if he'd say it back or not she had already convinced her heart to be happy with what she had.
Shahwar pulled back and then put arms around his neck and with all the bravery that she had, she kissed him. Shahwar never truly initiated physical intimacy between them because she'd always been too shy for that until today when she'd felt like finally opening up.
Rehaan moved her hands away from his neck and shifted back from the kiss at once, "Shahwar, there's staff around."
His words hit her like a sharp slit on her heart. She hadn't expected it. And then she remembered that he had never kissed her in front of anyone else before. She felt like all her strength had died when he had reacted to it with such words and rejection.
Shahwar didn't even know how to respond as she swallowed her hurt back inside when he looked at her, "I'll be going now." She looked away from his face and tried to fill herself with some energy to go back and do something. Food, she didn't feel like eating anything anymore. Directly going to her room she took her bag and went to work.
She had been feeling sick. And feeling things too much. The day inside the kitchen of the cafe went by quickly but she had slowed herself down. Shahwar felt like maybe she was overthinking it all. Maybe it was because her mind was aware that he hadn't said that he loved her to her was the reason why she had been thinking of the morning incident with extreme sentiments.
He surely didn't mean to hurt her right? But she was hurt. And she felt ugly. He didn't want to kiss her in front of anyone. Why? There wasn't even the case of cultural barriers in France right? Or maybe there was something wrong with her that made him not let others see that he had touched her.
She felt too many things, she wanted to stop her thoughts now. Taking her bag she walked out of the cafe not realizing that she was still on her working shift. As she stepped out the driver instantly brought the car towards her and got out to open the door for her. Shahwar felt heavy. Suddenly too much. She had to stop her mind from thinking those things about Rehaan. He wasn't what her mind was telling her.
She got inside the car and came home. She didn't feel like eating anything. She went to bed and felt too uneasy. When she tried sleeping her mind started thinking things again and then she decided to switch on the tv to distract herself. The screen had something going on and the sound of the tv was very audible but she could neither see what was on tv nor hear anything. Her eyes blinked looking at the screen and her face became pale and dull.
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