When the radio demon loves

Chapter 12 (Regret)

(Normal pov)

Alastor found himself longing for something he hadn't anticipated: not Lucifer's submission, not his tears or his fear, but the simple spark that once made Lucifer so captivating. He missed the moments when Lucifer would smile—when there was life behind his eyes, even if that life was fueled by rage or defiance. He wanted that back, wanted him back.

But Alastor knew that he had taken too much. He had drained Lucifer of everything—his pride, his joy, his will to fight—and now all that was left was a hollow shell of the demon he once knew. For the first time in his existence, Alastor felt a need to undo the damage, to fix what he had broken. The cruelty he once relished no longer satisfied him; in fact, it began to feel like a burden. He didn't want to see Lucifer broken anymore. He wanted to see him alive, to feel things—not just pain, but anything, even happiness.

Alastor made a decision, one that went against everything he had built his control on: he stopped the abuse. He no longer raised a hand to Lucifer, no longer forced himself on him, no longer visited his chambers with the intention of control. Instead, he kept his distance, pulling back in ways he didn't think possible. It was difficult at first—the need to possess Lucifer, to touch him, was still there, but Alastor forced himself to hold back.

He couldn't risk breaking what little remained of Lucifer's spirit. He needed to give him space.

Lucifer's chamber, once a place of confinement and fear, was transformed under Alastor's orders. The maids and servants were instructed to attend to Lucifer's every need, ensuring his comfort in ways they had never been allowed to before. His room was redecorated to suit his tastes, adorned with luxuries that were once denied him. Every detail was designed to give Lucifer a sense of control, of personal space—a stark contrast to the years of torment he had endured.

Though Alastor no longer visited him frequently, he found himself still drawn to Lucifer, unable to completely let go. There were nights when the desire to be close to him overpowered his self-restraint. Alastor would sneak into Lucifer's chambers while he slept, careful not to disturb him. In those quiet hours, he would gently slip into bed beside him, wrapping his arms around Lucifer in a careful, almost hesitant embrace. It wasn't about control or dominance anymore; it was about feeling him close, even if Lucifer didn't know.

The need to touch him, to feel his warmth, was still there, but Alastor had learned to restrain himself. He would hold Lucifer as he slept, listening to his steady breathing, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. In those moments, Alastor allowed himself to imagine that things were different—that Lucifer wasn't broken, that he wasn't empty. That maybe, one day, Lucifer might smile again.

But when morning came, Alastor always slipped away, leaving before Lucifer awoke. He didn't want to be seen. He didn't want Lucifer to know that he had been there, that he had held him in the darkness. It was enough just to be near him, even if Lucifer was unaware of his presence.

Alastor didn't delude himself into thinking that things would go back to how they were. He knew the damage he had done was too great for that. But in his own way, he was trying—trying to give Lucifer a life that wasn't defined by pain, trying to give him the space to heal, if such a thing was even possible.

And yet, every night he snuck into Lucifer's room, every time he held him close, Alastor knew there was still a part of him that couldn't let go. He still loved Lucifer, in his own twisted way, even if that love had destroyed them both. And so he continued, night after night, holding Lucifer close while he slept, hoping—praying—that maybe one day, he might see that spark in Lucifer's eyes again.

Even if it took forever, Alastor would wait. He would wait to see that smile, that life. Because, in the end, it wasn't Lucifer's fear that he craved. It was his existence, his essence, that Alastor had fallen for. And as long as there was a chance, however slim, that Lucifer might one day feel again, Alastor would hold onto that hope—even if he had to remain in the shadows, never letting Lucifer know.

End of chapter

Next: Tomorrow 12Am