Pangaia: Agendas (Year One: Fall)

Chapter Twenty - Jewl

"Did you hear Anj is taking the new girl as his date for Homecoming?"

"I know! It's crazy! I thought for sure he was going with Jewl!"

"Right?"

The students of Pangaia talked about Jewl like she wasn't sitting near them. They had to know she could hear everything they were saying. Of course they do. That's why they're talking so loudly. They want to see how much of a rise they'll get out of me. She rolled her eyes. Petty, jealous, witches.

All of the girls at Pangaia loved Anj. They didn't know him on a personal level, of course. The idea of him was what got them excited. Mysterious, handsome, and smart. What wasn't there to like?

If they only knew what he's actually like... Jewl loved him. A lot. Too much. For her, love was dangerous in the literal sense. Somehow, he'd won her heart, and if they could only be honest with one another then...

It won't matter if I lose him to Cheyenne. She crinkled her nose at the thought. Stupid nymph. Zes is all over her too. Why does she have to get the attention of both of them? Why can't Zes be enough?

Not only for her pure selfish reasons for keeping Anj to herself, but also because Zes deserved someone to love him too. Jewl cared for him like he was her own brother. She hated watching him get passed over because his brother had more confidence and comfort with strangers.

That might have been what she hated most about Cheyenne. It was so obvious the girl had heart eyes for Anj. He couldn't see the way she stared at him, but Jewl could. She sensed the longing. Zes was most likely in denial about it with how he openly pined for Cheyenne. Too messy. Those guys did not anymore mess or chaos.

Things were going fine until she came along.

As soon as her class period ended, Jewl stood from her seat. It was only her first lesson for the day, and she could feel it was going to be a long one.

And my next class is Study Hall with Anj.

The first thing she did when she entered Room 257, was walk right up to Mrs. Weston's desk.

"Can I get a pass for the library?" Jewl asked.

"Sure, I can add you on," Mrs. Weston said. She scribbled Jewl's name onto a small slip of paper—right under Anj's. "Does anyone else want to go to the library?"

One girl started to raise her hand. Jewl shot her a glare. Immediately, the girl changed her mind.

The bell rang, and Mrs. Weston handed the paper to Jewl. "See you later."

"Thanks." Jewl walked over to Anj's desk and tapped him on the shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

He didn't say anything, only got up from his seat to walk with her out the door.

Once they were out of earshot, he had plenty to talk about.

"I'm glad we're on the same wavelength today. I wasn't sure if I'd be on my own or not."

"When you say things like that, you make it sound like you want to be in my company," she teased.

"Of course I do," he said. "When have I not wanted to be around you?"

"Do you want me to answer that?"

He ran his lower lips between his teeth. "I might say I need space, but the want to be close is always there."

Ugh, don't talk like that. It confuses me too much! "I heard you're going to the Homecoming dance with the nymph."

"Zes and I are, yes." His tone was so casual. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Yes."

"Good."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Good? Seriously?"

"No, I'm joking," he deadpanned. "I like that you have issues with me taking another girl out. Even if I'm sharing her with Zes, and it's only for show. It makes me feel great about myself."

"Why are you making a show of taking her out? You proved your point to me a while ago." She shoved her hands into her pockets.

Anj chuckled. "The show is for my mother. You know how she is."

"I do." And she loathed the woman because of her behavior.

"I'll save you a dance," he continued. "I know how much that will make your night."

Oh yes, it would definitely be the highlight of the evening. She didn't dare vocalize that truth.

"Why keep this up?" she asked. "Why break it off if you—"

"You know why," he seethed.

The secrets. She hated that he had them. He hated that she did too. Neither was going to cave any time soon. Moving on would be the smart thing for both of them, and yet Jewl couldn't give up. She didn't want to.

"How long are you planning on torturing me?" she asked. "I keep telling you I'm willing to make this work. You have to be willing to give me something, though. This needs to feel more even."

Anj exhaled. "Once again, my want is present. What I need to do and what I want to do are two different things. And I need you to accept that."

"I'm trying. I just wish you'd stop throwing it in my face," she grumbled.

"Throwing what in your face?"

"That you have things that you can't talk about."

"Would you rather I lie to you?"

"I'd rather they not come up at all if you can't mention them." She frowned. "It makes me feel like you can't trust me and you need to rub that fact in."

"That's not what I'm doing!" He clenched his hands into fists.

"It's how I feel," she repeated. "And you don't get to tell me what I do and don't feel."

"Even if your feelings aren't true?"

"Yes!"

"That's stupid."

"You're being stupid." She huffed. "And inconsiderate. Unempathetic. If you are one-hundred percent done, just say it already! Stop this dance. I don't like it."

"But I'm not done. I'm never going to be done." Then in a quiet voice that she barely heard he said, "I'm never going to be done with us."

Jewl wanted to scream. "Could have fooled me."

They entered the library then. She held the door for him even though she'd rather he walk right into it. Once inside, she handed off their pass she said, "I'll be in Fiction if you need me."

"I need you. Stay here," he said.

"You know what I mean," she mumbled.

He didn't follow her. Probably for the better. If he wanted space, she'd give him space. Lots of it. And somehow I have to give Cheyenne the signal that she needs to mind her own business.