The Will of Fire (Jujutsu Kaisen)

Chapter 11

Kaida watched the pinkish water flow down the drain, hypnotized by the swirling splash of color against the dull greyish tiles. 

She could see nothing but the swirl of red. 

The color of the Uchiha fan is painted on every crumbling wall of the compound. The color of her favorite Kimono, hand stitched by her mother. The color of the Sharingan eye she earned from watching her clan die in front of her... the color of blood. 

She hated that she held no regret for killing the obsessive fan girl. She was drowning in her own self-loathing, just as she forced that girl to drown in her own blood.

But she hurt Satoru. She thought. 

As if that justified shoving her fist through the girl's chest. Sakura would have just knocked her out. Kakashi would have never let it happen in the first place. Naruto would have been able to talk to the girl, relate to her pain, and help her off the ledge. Most of team seven would have saved her. 

Sasuke wouldn't have. 

Sasuke would have done exactly as she did and he wouldn't have thought a thing about it. He would have chastised her for hesitating even a moment. The Uchiha would not yield, the Uchiha have no mercy. 

Her heart ached for her brother, a welcomed sensation of longing breaking through the numbness that had overcome her since she stepped off the boat. 

She mindlessly shut off the water when it ran clear, the last remnants of an unnecessary death flowing down the drain. She dressed quickly leaving the oppressive steam-filled bathroom and emerging into the hallway. 

Satoru leaned casually against the wall across from her, his all-seeing eyes boring into her own as if trying to read her thoughts. "...Kaida." His voice was a soft prayer in the quiet hall, a silent plea for the light to return to her eyes. 

They stood for a moment, frozen in time and absorbing each other's presence. Her name was the first word spoken between them since she pulled her lightning-covered fist from the girl's chest. 

His glasses were nowhere to be found as he studied her, mesmerized by the droplets of water dripping from her raven hair and dampening the nightgown she wore. His fingers twitched at his side as the desperate desire to hold her shot through him. 

He was angry. 

Not at her of course, he was furious at himself. The weight of her dazed state falling onto his shoulders as he thought about how useless he was on their mission. He had been so focused on the glamour of her presence that he had failed to keep her safe. 

He had become a threat to her, something that would haunt his nightmares for the rest of his life. 

His weakness had left her alone against an enemy. How was he meant to be the strongest if he couldn't even have her back on a simple mission?

"I-I'm sorry!" He bowed his head in shame, depriving himself of the right to look into her beautiful black eyes.  

"Satoru-"

"I'm sorry you had to do it alone. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I fell right into her trap and almost hurt you because of it. I almost HURT YOU Kaid-chan!" His voice cracked under the strain of his emotions as he fell back against the wall to steady himself. 

Tears filled his eyes as he thought back to the madness in her Sharingan. 

But what really played in his mind on a loop, was the dazed and pained look on her face as she drew her bloodied fist back from the curse user's chest. She looked sickened by her own depravity, unable to grasp what she had done on instinct. 

"... How do you still look at me like that?" Kaida asked herself as Satoru peered up at her. 

As tears continued to fall down his perfect features a look of confusion passed through his all-powerful eyes.  

"You look at me like you ... Like I'm not a monster." Kaida quickly caught herself, her voice still suspended between grief and numbness. Satoru seemed to snap at those words, his eyes glowing bright enough to illuminate the darkened hallway. 

"You are not a monster, Uchiha Kaida." He hissed, enraged at the notion that his perfect girl could ever think such a thing of herself. 

"I didn't just kill her... I tortured her first. I held her in her own nightmares for years within her mind. I tore her apart, I made her feel the pain of the most despicable and heinous sort. I only stopped when her soul died and that was before I ever raised a hand to her... I ripped her heart from her chest and you know what? I don't feel even the smallest amount of remorse. In fact, I wish I had drawn her death out longer!" Kaida barked right back, displaying all of her darkness for him to see.

She would never be good enough for him, she knew that, but she'd be damned if she let someone else hurt him. 

The hall fell silent once more as they lost themselves in the other, drowning in mirrored self-hatred and idolization of the person in front of them. 

Gojo forced himself upright once more, towering over him as he entered her space in two mighty strides. Her face was caught between two shaking hands and without a moment to collect herself his lips were on hers. 

Her eyes widened and her Sharingan flared to life as he kissed her. 

Her ears rang with static and the world grew fuzzy as she felt herself melting into him. Through hooded eyes she kept watching him as he kissed her, memorizing every wonderful moment. Their hearts beat as one as they grasped onto each other like a lifeline, desperate for more contact. 

When the screaming desperation of their lungs overcame the all-consuming desire to taste each other they pulled back, ensuring their foreheads rested against each other. As their noses brushed and they inhaled shared breaths time seemed to freeze around them. 

"I love you, Uchiha Kaida... I have loved you from the day I met you. No amount of darkness, no curse of hatred, nothing could dampen my love for you. I will get stronger, Kai-chan, I promise you. I will get stronger so you never have to be in a position like that again." He swore, reaching to cradle her face once more, not realizing when they had fallen to her waist. 

"You don't know what I'm capable of, Satoru." She whispered, trying to extinguish the flicker of hope burning within her heart. 

Satoru pulled her closer, his neck bent at an awkward angle due to the height difference, "You are capable of great things and you are also capable of burning the world for the people you love. I know exactly who you are Kaida and I love you still." 

Tears finally shattered the numb daze in her eyes, bringing life back into her. She shuttered a silent sob as she gripped onto his shoulders. 

"The love of an Uchiha is nothing but a curse," Kaida warned, giving him one final opportunity to take it back. Once she said the words, there would be no force on this earth that could stop her from loving him. He was right, she would burn down worlds for him. She would sacrifice her morals, her honor, her very life for him without a moment's hesitation. 

Please she begged whatever deity might overhear, Please don't give him to me if I'm going to lose him. 

 "I'm a jujutsu sorcerer... curses are kind of our thing." He smiled the familiar tease of his cheeky grin a stark contrast to the raging emotions in his eyes. 

"I will try to be good for you, Gojo Satoru." She promised like the line of a wedding vow. 

"I will be the strongest for you, Uchiha Kaida." He made his own oath in return.