Kuroo x reader (HAIKYU FANFIC)

01

I had always wanted to loose weight. It started off innocently enough— working out here and there, skipping breakfast, walking 10k steps a day, not eating after 9pm. But then 9pm turned to 7pm, and 7 turned to 5.

However despite how long i kept this up, i could never get used to the feeling of hunger. People online always say it goes away- but it doesn't. Not really. That empty feeling that seems to lift you up as if you are lightweight, the dizziness expanding inside your head— that is the hunger.

Growing up in Japan, it seemed as if everyone around me was getting smaller and smaller each day, whereas one day I looked into the mirror and  it was like a lightbulb had gone off above me, illuminating all of my faults. The saggy skin, the way my stomach bulged, the chubby arms, the thick thighs, the plump skin of my face, even the way my fingers were curved.

On that day, after many desperate attempts to loose weight It was as if something had finally snapped inside of me. Who was I except the fat girl in the back of the class who struggled to hold a conversation? I couldn't let that be who people saw me as.

Over the course of what had physically been barely a year- but mentally had been many dragged on, harsh and cruel years of suffering and resentment for myself, I finally began to lose the weight.

I had went from 72kg to 58, and despite this, despite all the effort and the dedication- I wasn't ready to be done. I wasn't happy, I didn't accept my body. The fat was still there- even if my mom and my cousins complimented me and said I looked pretty; skinny or gorgeous.

And so, I resulted to the only way I knew, The only way that had worked— restricting.

As a first year at Karasuno high school, it hadn't been hard to hide my habits from everyone around me. During lunch, many spent there time in clubs such as volleyball, soccer, or basketball. Knowing this, when my neighbour Kiyoko was going around seeking out first or second years who weren't apart of any clubs yet I eagerly volunteered.

I'd grown up around her, but that didn't mean I was accustomed to or blind to the looks I get when stood near her. She had a certain gravitational pull around her, a force that dragged you towards her and made you want to be the path she took her next steps on.

"Today Im going to introduce you to the team. They may look intimidating, but don't freak out, okay? I'm excited for you."

"Me too." While not being a total lie, she didn't need to know the real reason why I was excited. Not only would joining a high intensity training club help me avoid eating lunch, it allows me to be active and therefore I can replicate the exercises the team uses to stay in shape. 'To be thin.' I tell myself. 'To be thin.'

Now, almost a month later and I had grown fairly accustomed to not only the other first years but my upperclassman as-well . In the mornings, I was allowed to come to their gym before my own morning practise at my local rink. I normally used this time to stretch, practise off ice spins and jumps and clear my mind. It's hard to be hungry when you're putting the energy towards the desire  for accomplishment.

And right now, the only thing I wanted was to land my toe-loop(jump). I mean— I've been skating for almost a year now and watching others who've already started their doubles only enhances my motivation to practice.

Today, a Tuesday—like most I am at the gymnasium for 5:30am and stretching every muscle I can think of. Hinata had spoke to me yesterday saying something of how he and Kageyama wanted to get an earlier start and perfect some attack. I'd told him he's more than welcome to come, I never want to be rude or selfish. I could be as mean to myself as I wanted, as long as it stayed in my head. No one needs to know how truly bitter I am when I'm alone- or what's said through the thoughts in my head. 

Ive only spoke to Kageyama briefly. We exchange glances when we pass in the corridor. He seems pretty reserved, and I don't need any unnecessary or unnerving interactions.

"Morning y/n! How long have you been here?? Im going to crush today, I know it!"

I look up from my position doing the splits in the centre of the gym. Hinata has a wild grin on his face, his hair scruffy in a way that would make others look unsanitary but it actually enhances his appearance in an oddly positive way.

"Hey. I've been here a while, are you by yourself? I thought Kageyama was coming with you." 

He brings his hand to the back of his head, smiling sheepishly and glancing down at me. "Ah, well I sort of made him spill his milk on his joggers- so he's changing into a new pair.."

I laugh, standing upright with my hands on my hips. "Of course you did, I bet he was fuming, huh?" When stood next to him like this, there really isn't that much of a height difference- but it's there. I'm exactly 2cm taller than Hinata and he gets teased about it all. the. time.

"Y-yeah.. but it's fine. I'll just have to put my all into today's practice, and show him I'm ready to be the ace, he'll see- and then he can't get mad at me!"

"Hm. Interesting tactic there,"

Kageyama slides the door open, and nods in my way briefly before turning to Hinata with a menacing look. "Boke, Hinata boke! You were meant to set the court up- dumbass!"

I roll my eyes playfully and leave them too it. I check my watch, 5.55am. That means I've got 5 minutes until I need to leave. I finish up my stretching and grab my equipment, turning to see Hinata forget to hit a ball that is set to him through his excitement.

"guys, I'm leaving now. See you later,"

"Bye," they say in unison, Hinata smiling and Kageyama giving me his signature nod. Since the day I'd met him, he'd never used formalities when greeting me, always tilting his head in acknowledgment.

'What an interesting duo,'

-

fin
28.10.24