Random Things

What Is Love?

Warning: Angst. Idk if not feeling love is a sensitive topic tbh but if it is than there ya go.

Love. Quite a common thing among humans, it comes it all shapes and forms, and is found in almost everyone. Someone who hasn't experienced it before is Reddoons! He never knew what the feeling of true love or being loved was, only being explained by other people and their experiences. Yet he never felt same. Red has never fit any of the descriptions of others, like the butterflies in their stomach, or a warm, happy feeling bubbling up inside them. He hadn't felt it and couldn't decipher why he's never felt those emotions. He's welcomed them with open arms, so why has none ever fit into place?

This lead him up to what was currently happening. Curled up on the ground, sunglasses disgarded and warm tears rolling down his cheek. Red didn't want to be crying right now, but the lack of love made it hard to not cry. His team had already become concerned of him as of recent because he's been acting off, apparently. Reddoons didn't know why they thought he was acting off, he thought he was covering it up quite well! At least, he's convinced himself that he's done a good job. As of recent he had let it slip during one of those stupid server meetings. Red didn't know how or why it slipped, it just did.

If Red wanted to be honest with himself, it was pretty obvious that the whole server was treading around him like eggshells were cracked everywhere and they didn't want to step on one to break him. Well, the people who had a somewhat constant habit of being online did. The people like Clown who weren't on the server much because there was something they wanted to do first made some people not completely unaware of it, but sorta familiar. At this point his suffering was just good gossip. It always ended up with him being the one gossiped about in a friend group one way or another. He really didn't like it.

If anything this made Reddoons need for love and affection more desperate. The thought of having someone hugging him and making him actually feel happy and wanted for once felt distant. Like it was the furthest thing away from him. But there's also a part of him that doesn't want it incase it was a phony. It was an internal struggle that couldn't be spoken for fear, or his pride, or something. All he knew that his words were probably not what the server expected and make fun of him. Telling someone and being accepted felt like a dream, one that was just out of his reach. Because who would want to love him? Unlike all the other members he isn't even from Earth. Sure, everyone there is a hybrid of some kind. But Red was something else. They knew what he was and convinced him that they accept him. But a part of him didn't believe.

So, he curled himself more, into a ball like shape. Reds glasses were still disgarded, and the tears that streamed down were pouring like a waterfall. He was stuck between believing that they did care for him, or that they didn't. The door was locked. It always was when Red was in his room nowadays. Subz was becoming worried of the guy, put no matter what he did, Reddoons wouldn't open up. So, there he lay, silently crying on the ground, letting sleep eat him up.

Maybe someone has tried to love him before. If they had, then it definitely wasn't received.

Notes: WOAH? RED ANGST? YAYAYAYAYRSAYATT!!!! Anyways, what could Red be? You'll be left wondering for now. Have a good day/night/whatever time it is somewhere for you!