Alexandra's POV
Rayne had come over and she been trying to convince me for 15 minutes now to wear something a little more showy for the show tonight.
" come on Alexandra are you gonna live in sweat pants and tank tops the rest of your life?" She says to me plopping down on the big L shaped couch
" if it keeps my legs hidden then yes." I say to her sitting opposite of her in the big black kings chair
" Alexandra you're beautiful and still young, the markings will heal.. you can't hide them forever.." she says sighing and shaking her head
She's never been the sympathetic friend really she's more of a don't let your demons bring you down kinda person so she keeps it real with me and that's what I like I like the real, the logic.
" was, I was beautiful before Milo did the things he did now I'm just a carcass of a vessel with nothing left inside but my soul." I explain to her and she shakes her head again
" I hate he did this to you but I'm sure if he could see it he'd be rolling in his grave pissing himself because he thinks he won don't let him think he won. Own the scars, own the marks, own it and wear it proudly." She said sitting up straight with a smirk
And there it is, her way of making things sound logical and me folding because she's right. Milo would be ecstatic if he knew how shitty I felt about myself. Even then it still wouldn't be enough because he wanted me dead in the first place. Nothing was never enough for him he always had to take it one step further each time. Especially after the abortion...
I was never the same after it. Yeah I wanted to have kids but I was not about to be sucked in by this man for the rest of my life and have me and my child scared not knowing if we'd wake up to see the next day. He of course never understood that though, he always thought I was just trying to spite him for whatever reason his brain wanted to make up, there was no reasoning there was no talking, it was one way and that was Milo's way and if things went any different than his way well you see what happens.
I'm broken from the flood of thoughts pouring through my skull to Ronnie and rayne talking.
" hello my darling." Ronnie says walking over to me a big smile on his face and his hair cut short
" uhm excuse me?! Ronnie what did you do!!" I yell a little placing my hands over my lips
His hair is now to his shoulders and layered and I honestly can say I don't hate it but the things it's doing to me are...whew..
" do you like it?" He asks with a smile his hands placed behind his back
" I mean yeah you look fine as fuck, but you could've told me you were also stopping to get a haircut.." I say to him folding my arms and smirking
" you see babygirl it was a on the whim kinda thing buuuut." He said playfully dragging out the but
He pulls his hands from behind his back revealing a bouquet of white hydrangeas and red roses, a quite beautiful bouquet of you ask me. In his other hand is of course my new phone, I take them both from him with a thank you and kiss him on the lips passionately.
" sir, ma'am, guys, hey yeah can yall talk like into doing this cute shit please cause I swear he doesn't know what affection is." Rayne said tapping mine and Ronnie's shoulder and chuckling playfully
" listen rayne I've told you over and over like ain't the affectionate type he's the let me find a tune that reminds me of you that I can play on my drums kinda guy." Ronnie said patting raynes head and walking towards the stairs
Rayne rolls her eyes and plops on the couch.
" you wearing that darling or do you wanna change? We have to leave for rehearsals soon." Ronnie said from halfway up the steps
I took a long moment to think about it and honestly I think k I should get a little dressed up, I mean I don't have to show a lot just ya know enough to make me feel better about myself maybe. So I nod my head to him with a small smile and meet him in the bedroom.
" my fit is at the venue already, I just wanted a few moments with you." He says to me pulling me in closer stopping me from what I was doing
" and what do these few moments consist of Mr. Radke." I say to him softly my fingers playing with the collar of his shirt.
" oh, oh, baby, don't Mr. Radke me." He said grabbing his heart and huffing playfully
" why not? I think k it's hot." I whisper in his ear pulling back slowly as my lips brush his neck softly, his body shivers slightly
" it's gonna get you in trouble and I don't think you're ready for that kinda trouble yet, you're still healing, even though I would absolutely indulge in all of you in a heart beat." He said pressing me into the wall softly, his hand coming up by my head as his other hand caresses my jaw/cheek, our lips inches apart
My heart spikes and knees nearly buckle, not from fear but from the mere fact that having this absolute beast of a man over me is making me very very hot.
" I'm not scared of trouble, I like trouble, if it means both of us are pleased." I smirk at him lowering my hand to his member squeezing it just enough and he sucks in a breath of air
" get dressed babygirl we leave in 15." He said kissing me with a smirk and backing away
I bite my lip and gather myself and my head, I walk over to my bags that are yes in fact still packed. There was no point in us packing when we leave in the morning for our new house.
I grab my outfit and head into the bathroom leaving the door open behind me. I slip off my black sweats and stare at the bandages still on my legs. I know it's finally time to take them off but I'm scared to even see the remnants...I never got to see the full damage before they patched me up.
I remove them in swift movements, sucking in breaths of air as the sticky-ness of the bandage tugged the still partly tender skin. As soon as I catch sight of them in the mirror the flashbacks flood through me like an episode of that's so raven when she has a vision.
They haunt me, my screams, the way he touched me, the way he broke me down, the way he put his cigarettes out on me like I was the most perfect ashtray, the cuts from where I was drug across the floor, and lastly his name engraved in my skin like a name on a tombstone, he may be dead but with his name on me forever, in a fucked up way he will live on forever because I'm still alive and in the end I know for a fact that's why he did it, he knew he was gonna die wether Ronnie killed him, the cops killed him, or someone in jail killed him, he knew it.
I am broken from my deep thought to Ronnie wrapping me up in a hug as my body shrinks to the floor, my knees unable to hold myself up anymore.
" why... why... why.... Why fucking me, WHY!!!!!!!" I start softly then yell as loud as my throat will allow me too
I thought I could do it I thought I could hold it together but I can't it's still fresh.... Rayne rushes in I can hear her asking what's wrong but I can't answer.. now sits next to us on the floor rubbing my head gently trying to calm me.
" it's okay babygirl I promise, I know there's nothing I can say to change your scars or fix what happened and I hate that, but I can tell you this your scars can be covered with beautiful art and you will heal.. I promise darling we will get through this." He says kissing my head as he hugs me tightly
Fuck you milo, and fuck you to Andy. I didn't deserve this, and no I have to live with it the rest of my fucking life.
YOU ARE READING
Personal affairs
FanfictionAll Alexandra wanted was a job where she could travel the world, and maybe with this job she could, but she never expected more.
