The high and the high roller

6

*Beyoncé*

The week flew by. The more the days went by and the less I could do without cocaine. If I had a headache, cocaine, struggle sleeping, cocaine, trouble concentrating, cocaine. I felt like I could no longer live without it. But the sensation was way too good for me to stop.

My days all looked the same but honestly I didn't even care anymore. It was like I was just a spectator of my own life and that was quite funny to be honest.

I was sitting at my desk, my eyes glued to my laptop screen, but I was struggling to concentrate on reading all the emails I hadn't yet checked. I wish I could get high so I could be more productive and focused because when I was tired, the slightest noise could distract me. A bird's cry outside, heels clicking on the floor in the hallway, absolutely everything. I was crazy but not so crazy as to get high here so I had no idea how I was going to make it through the entire afternoon like this.

Half an hour later, the door opened on Natalie and Angela, both serious look on their faces, which was not normal.

Natalie closed the door while Angela was already taking a seat on one of the chairs across from me.

"Did somebody die ?" I asked.

Angela shook her head no and Natalie finally took a seat next to her "So, what's up?"

"It's more like we should be asking you that question, don't you think ?"

I frowned "Hum I don't think so.."

"Bey, are you okay lately ?" Natalie asked for the first time.

"Why wouldn't I be ?"

"Well, you were acting really weird these past few days. It's like you're not yourself."

I ran my hand through my hair, taking the time to think of a suitable answer because there was no way I could tell them I was taking more than weed. No way.

"Um I'm just a little more tired than usual, but it's okay."

"How many hours a night do you sleep these days ? Honestly."

Well, I couldn't sleep at all because of the effects of cocaine. But I couldn't tell them that either.

"I don't know, one hour or one and a half, at best."

Their eyes widened "You went from four hours a night to one or one and a half??"

The four hours thing was a lie too, I just didn't want them to worry too much about me.

I shrugged.

"Okay so if I sum it up, you sleep about one hour a night, work all day, only eat those shit from Starbucks and smoke God knows what and you're telling us you're okay?"

"Yup, because I am."

"What about your appointments with the therapist ?"

I started playing with my fingers "I only went three times, it annoyed me and she didn't even help me much."

Angela rolled her eyes and slapped me on the back of my head "Wait, why am I getting hit?"

"Dumbass, of course she couldn't help you if you only went there three times, be for real. Results are seen over a long period."

"I know what you tryna do and no, I'm not going back there."

Going back to that therapist was really the last thing I wanted. When I go there, we just sit down, facing each other, and she keeps asking me a bunch of dumb questions I have to answer.

"We're not trying to do anything, we're going to do it."

I raised an eyebrow "And how so? You can't force me to do anything."