Love of a mask

A shared love for poetry

The next day I showed up at school, I realized I was underprepared for what was coming as the second I stepped foot into the classroom, I could already feel the burning glares of everyone in my class coming in my direction.

I ignored them however and continued walking as if I didn't notice toward my seat. I saw Charvi was already sitting in her seat, reading a novel: 'The Picture of Dorian Gray."

I had wanted to read that novel for a long time now, I felt tempted to ask her about the novel but I chose not to as today was a day where she had to spend most of her time isolated. I needed to isolate her from the entire class with me being just a step away but that step required one to step foot on fire.

Once she heard my footsteps coming in her direction, she looked up at my face. I, however, continued walking as if I didn't notice her while observing her from the corner of my eye. She opened her mouth slightly as if to call out to me but once she realized my attention was not on her, she looked down at her book again.

I sat down at my desk, noticing Shubham's absence. He was most likely absent today, as other all my friends from other classes would be seated here too.

They wouldn't even think of showing up if Shubham was present. Who in their right mind would want to talk to me?

The bell rang and classes continued as usual. I decided that the right time to talk to Charvi would be during the lunch break. She'll be too timid to ask me upfront why I didn't talk to her throughout the day. I won't even bother asking her why she didn't, as it's common for girls to not initiate conversations.

Throughout the conversation, I noticed Charvi was staring directly at the teacher or the blackboard though I had a feeling she was zoning out throughout most of the staring.

I wonder whether Charvi is an academic type. It would make sense considering her demeanor, I couldn't explain why exactly but she has a vibe like that. Most toppers devote so much time to their studies that they are unable to give time to other important activities like sports, hobbies, fitness, etc. This also makes them unable to form friend circles.

Many toppers end up being used by their peers. Their classmates who never once bother to ask whether they're doing fine in life or if their day is ok or not will magically become all goody best friends with them during the time of exams, or when they want to understand something they didn't get during the class.

How do I know? Personal experience.

Back in middle school I always felt drained, not because I was the school topper, but because I was barely managing to make time for myself, I was always occupied by people who I considered friends out of my own stupidity.

But oh well, no one other than me is to blame for that.

To allow yourself to be used by other people means you aren't worth using in the first place.

I wasn't worth anything back then, nor am I now, nor will I ever be in the future. But even with a worth equivalent to that of a penny, I will always take pride in the fact that if I was as half as good as I ever was, I'd still be twice as good as most people ever will be.

While reminiscing about my past I looked out the open window, the cold air crashing into my face making a shiver run down my spine. The sky had turned dark again, it would most likely be raining today.

I hoped and prayed that it rained before the lunch break as that would be to my advantage in swaying Charvi.

***

During the lunch break, it started raining. I internally celebrated while my classmates frowned. Charvi also let out a sigh of relief in front of me while staring at her desk.