Love of a mask

Who are you?

I don't remember much of what happened after that. Except that, according to Charvi, I had freaked out(I doubt it.) After that, trying not to be seen by others we entered the school building and washed our hands in separate restrooms. Charvi almost dragged me with her into the girls' restroom but thankfully I was aware to not fall for the most obvious way to get arrested.

Which leads us to where we are now, the infirmary. I'd given the excuse of a headache while Charvi said she had a stomach ache. I'd used to the same excuse as Charvi had that day and said I'd had a nosebleed and carelessly used my shirt to wipe it off.

The school nurse said she'd go inform our teacher that we'd have to skip our classes due to sickness. Us two in specific being out will likely lead to suspicion among the teachers as well, because although kids our age hate to admit it, they're old, experienced, and smart enough to realize when something fishy is cooking between two students of the opposite sex. Our classmates will also start hating on us more for reasons I'm honestly too fatigued to even try and comprehend.

After the school nurse left, Charvi and I were left in an awkward silence. We were sitting on the infirmary bed with a considerable distance between us. Not because we were in front of someone, but because we were feeling distant in general.

How could I have been so stupid?

The day I met her, I was the one being so cool in my thoughts about how one can never be sure about the person in front of them. The distance between two people can be unimaginable regardless of how close they think they are. And yet I never saw this coming?

I'm pathetic

"I'm pathetic..."

"Huh?" Did I say that out loud?

It took me a second to input it but I soon realized it was Charvi who had said that.

"I'm always... always ruining things for everyone!"

I looked to my side and saw Charvi with her face in her trembling hand. Her hair flickered back and forth and her head jerked as tears fell down her eyes and slid down the smooth skin of her hand. The tears glided inside her sleeves making them wet from the inside out.

I should comfort her...

But if I do that, she'll grow more attached...

At this stage, I was completely lost on what the next step should be. What should I do? What would I usually do?

All my life I have spent as a calculative person who doesn't act upon anything without an outcome in mind. I only now realize that living in such a way was flawed. Because this has led to me becoming incapable of being myself. I've forgotten what I used to be like.

No, that's wrong...

I never knew what I was as a person in the first place.

I can only try though, right?

"Don't... say that about yourself Charvi..." I said.

"It's the truth though!" She lifted her face looking at me. Her face was a mess at this point. I looked away as looking at her reminded me of her bloody hand.

"I always mess up everything for everyone!" She continued. "I'm so pathetic, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Raghav, I can't say sorry enough."

"Hey, it's ok..." I gulped, my throat dry. Although it was meant to be an excuse, I was getting genuine headaches at this point. "Stop saying such things about yourself Charvi, you're not what you think you are. You're just... confused. Charvi, please, stop it," I said looking down at my legs.