At Your Service

7. Metanoia

I heard nothing for another three days. I was so thirsty by then I had been licking the iron bars as it rained, there was no roof over my head which I was glad for as I would die of thirst otherwise. I was so hungry I had trouble staying awake.
I had tried everything to escape. Break the cage, call the orcs or voice, but the iron bars were stronger than they seemed. I cried, shouted, laughed and even slammed my own head against the bars trying to end this madness. Yet nothing or no one seemed to be around anymore.
In my weakest moment I closed my eyes begging to whatever gods were out there to take me away from here. I relived the most painful moments in my life. Watched my stepfather die, my mother lying in bed for days, my sisters starving until I fed them. I watched my mom go mad as her third partner left, I helped her through the birth of the twins. I raised the twins while she was drinking herself to sleep. I lost Baldred and the better future he promised me. Escaping Rohan as the king wanted to sell me as a slave, I was chased out of Minas Tirith for thieving and nearly dying in Emyn Muil. My spirit was feeding on all the pain, the anger and the hatred I felt.
I kept reliving it all until I suddenly woke up as my cage was thrown to the floor and opened by an orc. In front of my cage was one cup of water and a plate filled with bones with barely any meat on them.

I crawled out of the cage with all the energy left in me, grabbing the cup and chugging it not even caring about the vile taste in the water. Next I attacked the bones chewing off any meat I could find.
"How fascinating. I have shown you all the most painful and sad memories, over and over again and still you find the will to live." I heard the well-known voice speak.
I rolled my eyes before a mad laugh left my mouth.
"So there you are! Oh let me guess those memories were another test?" I grinned before biting into another bone. I was probably eating orc meat again, but it was the least of my worries. If you had known hunger like I did, you'd eat anything!
Suddenly a shadow formed in the doorway toward a lower level floor. Slowly but surely a figure emerged from those shadows. A tall figure, a man wearing armour and a pointy crown upon his head. There was nothing but darkness, a shadow so black that even the darkest night seemed a bright contrast.

I swallowed visibly as the shadow came my way. "Are you afraid Fia, daughter of Mellia?" The shadow questioned making me look up in disbelief.
"How do you know my name?"
It laughed "Oh Fia, I thought you were smarter. I know everything about you. I have just shown you all your weaknesses. There's not one secret you could keep from me. I see it all, hear it all and know it all."
I gritted my teeth "Well what a sad life that must be, watching beggars like myself and luring them into your traps." I spat, I felt no fear. Only anger and hate coursing through my veins.
"What a life indeed. At least I'm not the one living it. You have every reason to give up on life. Starve, use those bones to stab yourself in the chest for all I care. Yet here you are drinking water from a polluted stream, eating the leftovers we fed to Wargs. You want to live that pathetic life of yours don't you?"
I thought for a long hard moment. As far as I was still capable of thinking in my current state. I couldn't find the right words to his question so I nodded eventually.
I wanted to live, yes.
Was it because I liked the life I was living? Not really, but what good was giving up? I ran away from my home, I survived and came this far looking for a purpose, for a way to make life mean something. Why should I give up now. There were still so many places I hadn't seen in the world. I could still prove myself, make all the suffering worth the wait.
"You have a strong will, I'll give you that. But that won't be enough to prove yourself!" The shadow spoke.
Now the orc came back into view and kicked away the bones and cup.
I tried grasping them to stop him, but I was too late. When he kicked my hand away a pained scream left my mouth. I crawled backwards hissing at the orc, he laughed at my petty attempt of scaring him and stormed at me again. I barely had time to push myself upright or I was already tackled to the floor. Unable to roll away in time the orc kicked right into my ribs. I heard the crack before I felt the burning pain in my chest. I was seeing black dots and stayed on the ground hugging my knees to my chest for support.
"Hhhhmmmm not so much of a fighting spirit then, maybe she'll do better next time. Leave." I heard the shadow hum as heavy footsteps indicated the orc was going back to the lower levels.
I didn't dare to open my eyes until I was sure the shadow was no longer there.

From that moment on the shadow kept coming back bringing me nasty water and leftover bones every day. I'd dig in until he thought I had enough and he called one of his orc friends to come kick my ass. I tried defending myself. I once ran, tried to find a way out, but the shadow himself stopped me as I got lost in the maze of corridors and stairs.
Next I tried hitting the orc with a branch yet it broke against his head without even doing the slightest bit of damage.
Day after day I got beaten down until one day I hid one of the bones before the shadow could call an orc. The moment the orc came I snapped the bone in two and stood my ground. The creature came at me but I fended him of with my bare hands, allowing him close enough to me until I grabbed his arm as he attempted to hit my face. With my other hand I pushed the sharp end of the bone into his ribcage making the orc scream. In his rage he threw me aside. I hit my head against a stone, but the adrenaline coursing through me made me jump right back up. The orc was obviously hurting and bleeding badly yet he tried coming at me again.
I sighed but allowed him to come closer, in his anger he tried grabbing me with both arms yet I stepped back just in time before kicking his side and using a brick to smash his head.
I hit it once yet the orc was still roaring at me, so I hit it again and again and again until his skull was completely smashed.
I needed a moment to recover and catch my breath. When I finally stood up again clutching my ribs as they were still hurting I heard someone clap.
When I looked around I saw the shadow clapping his hands making me growl at him.
"You want to go next?" I sizzled.
"Not today child." He answered lightly.
"I'm not a child." I spat.
"To me you are."
"Who even are you?" I questioned, the shadow walked closer to take in every detail.

"I have had many names over the years child. Mairon, the dark lord, Sauron are only a few of them." It responded.
There was no face or expression to the shadow, his body made out of a black fog. For a moment I wondered what would happen if I put my hand through the fog or blew in his face. Yet I kept myself from doing so the moment I heard his identity.
"That... That is impossible. Sauron was defeated many years ago!" I muttered.
The shadow laughed.
"Sweet innocent child. Did you really believe it would be so easy for elves and men to destroy me? A God? They have weakened me surely, but I am very much still alive even if it's just my spirit. I will take on my former form." Sauron spoke his voice sounding deeper than before sending shivers down my spine.
"How...How will you do that?" I stammered.
"Oh I have a plan. What I need to know is if you'll be a part of it or not?"
I nearly choked on my own breath as I started coughing and looked up at him in disbelief.
"You want me to be part of your plan?" I questioned.
"You have proven yourself to me, I need people like you." I observed him a little longer, walked around his shadow figure and eventually found the courage to touch his shoulder. Like I guessed my hand went right through him. Yet a burning sensation went through me, making me step back at once and push my hand to my chest.

"What do you mean people like me?" I panted.
"People that have been wronged by this world, yet have a will to live, to fight for what they want. I need your anger, your hatred. I can turn it into power. I can help you find a purpose and make your life worth living. All you have to do is help me." He spoke admiration overflowing in his tone.
I shrugged "Help you? Help you destroy Middle Earth you mean? What's the purpose in that?"
"Is that what you believe? Is that what people tell you these days. I never wanted to destroy Middle Earth. I merely wanted to dominate. You know why?"
I shook my head quietly.
"Because the only way to make all races get along and live together in peace is by ruling them. Their infinite quarrels, their ignorance is what will bring the end of the world upon us. I merely want equality. If everyone bows to me this world could be a better place. There wouldn't have to be poverty. No more suffering, no more discrimination. Isn't that what you want?" He asked.
I lowered my gaze as I thought about his words.
"I can show you how beautiful this world could be." He continued, I wasn't sure if I wanted to let him into my mind again, but when he slowly reached out to me I closed my eyes and allowed him to touch me.
I was surrounded by darkness first but eventually I was taken back to Rohan. I stood amid fields full of white flowers, around me there were men and horses happily ploughing the fields to sow grain. Women and children walked carefree through the village. The houses were all built in stone, no longer in wood. There were no quarrels, everyone contributed to the community in their own way, whether by taking care of children, selling goods in markets or working in the fields. When I walked through the streets, not only people from Rohan were present either, elves and dwarves also walked through the streets without anyone looking down on them or staring at them strangely.
After this, Sauron also took me to Minas Tirith, the kingdom of elves in the Green Wood and even Dale. Everywhere, different races lived together and everyone learned from each other. There were no wars, no abandoned villages or blood-soaked fields. Everyone lived in harmony and joy.
When I woke from this vision I needed a moment to catch my breath.
"H-how can you promise me a world like this when you live in an abandoned castle and you aren't even able to take on a corporeal form?" I asked eventually.
"Let me worry about regaining enough strength to take on a corporeal form. The only reason I stay here at Dol Guldur is because I have to stay out of sight long enough until enough people believe in my cause and join me." He said.
I had to admit it did make sense. Last time Sauron walked this earth it did not end too well for him, the elves that helped in his defeat still walk this earth, so it would not be smart to reveal himself to them just yet.
"Think about my offer. Tomorrow I want to hear your answer." Sauron suddenly said before pushing me back into the cage and leaving me there.
In that cage my mind started racing and going over all the options I had. I started reliving all the painful moments in life again, I kept dreaming of this better world he spoke of.