After The Dinner Horn and Off-screen: a CotC oneshot collection

I Am Her

Originally posted: August 8th, 2024
Warning for unintentional dead naming. It's all completely out of ignorance, but keep yourself safe!

Handlebarb could barely believe how much time had passed. Every time she looked around town, every time she looked in the mirror even. It felt like just last week that it had just been her and Cannonball riding around the Creek while Todd followed in his wagon before they had even met Warpspeed. It felt like just yesterday she was helping win Capture the Flag, saving the Creek, everyone's one true safe place. The only space where everyone knew her for who she was; a girl.

But Capture the Flag had been two years ago. Handlebarb was a middle schooler now, a seventh grader to be exact. So much had changed, but so much had stayed the same. The 10 Speeds still hung out at the Creek every day after school, Handlebarb was still the coolest kid alive, and she still had her best friends by her side, new and old alike.

However, in school, everything was changing. Somehow the differences between boys and girls were even more important now. From the pressure to find someone to date to the foreboding loom of puberty, it was all so much. The worst part though was Physical Education. Everyone was forced to change out and use one of the dressing rooms; boy or girl. A couple of kids were allowed exceptions, but they had a note from their parents. Without some kind of note, the gym teacher's hands were legally tied. Handlebarb had endured it for all of the sixth grade, after all, she had never had a problem with using the same bathroom as the boys before, this was basically the same thing, right?

She had been wrong. None of the boys were rude, no one ever said anything gross or weird, and all the kids from the Creek were nicer than ever (several putting the dots together), but it made her skin crawl. Everything about the situation made her want to curl up into a hole and die, to throw up until she passed out. Luckily Warpspeed had gotten the same PE class as her. When Handlebarb told him about it, he made sure she could use the stall in the back, secluded from the rest of the room with a defunct shower head sitting overhead, every day. The thin separation between her and everyone else made things bearable.

But Warpspeed wasn't in her PE class this year. She was three days into seventh grade and knew she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't handle the locker room, couldn't handle the misgendering from almost every other kid, couldn't handle the awkward conversation with other Creek kids who were suddenly hearing her referred to with a different name.

"I'm going to do it tonight. I'm going to tell them I'm a girl." Is what she told Todd on their walk home.

He just smiled and gave her a hug. "It'll be alright."

She knew that already, but it was nice to hear it said out loud. Their parents had always been nothing but loving and accepting. Handlebarb had seen how easily her father adapted to one of his co-workers coming out as trans, how much of an effort he made to remember his new name and pronouns even at home. The only reason she had waited this long to tell them was because she still hadn't figured out a name. Handlebarb was the only thing that had ever felt right to her, but it was not exactly a real name.

The walk home was short, and the time it took to put their bikes up was even shorter. Todd gave his sister one more hug before running upstairs to do his first bit of homework for the year. Handlebarb found her parents in the kitchen preparing dinner. Her Dad was chopping a head of lettuce and Mom was stirring something on the stove. It smelled heavy and filled with spices. Handlebarb took one last moment to gather her courage.

"I have something I really need to tell you."

"Can it wait about five minutes?" Her Mom asked. "I want to be able to take the stew off the stove so I can pay attention."

"Yeah, that's fine."

Her Dad abandoned the salad-in-progress and came over, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Is this something that we can talk about at dinner with your brother, or should we take a private moment beforehand?"

"It's alright for dinner." Todd already knows, anyway. "Do you want me to set the table?"

"That would be great, thanks sport." Her dad left her with a pat on the shoulder and a knot in her stomach.

Nicknames like that were another weird point. The 10 Speeds called her bro and dude all the time and it had never bothered her before, but something about how her dad called her sport and champ made her stomach twist. Maybe it was because the 10 Speeds called everyone that, but her dad only did it because he thought she was a boy.

Whatever the reason, it was a puzzle for after dinner. Right now, she was focused on the stew pouring and Todd sitting across from her.

Once dinner had finally begun, her mom opened the conversation. "So, Jake. What do you want to tell us?"

For one brief moment, Handlebarb considered backing out. The sudden rush of panic and ohmygodimabouttodothis paralyzed her, locking her lips shut and holding her breath. Then Todd caught her eye and sent her a smile before digging back into his salad. Handlebarb forced herself to relax.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking. Like, a lot a lot of thinking. For a pretty long time. A couple of years now. I was trying to figure something out. And I figured it out a while ago, but I just didn't really know how to tell you- That's not right. I just wasn't really ready yet. Like, I know you'll be super chill about it and it won't be a big deal and all that, but- I don't know." Handlebarb took a deep breath, composing herself. The rest of the table was patiently waiting, letting her take her time. "The point is, I'm a girl. I'm trans."

Glancing between her parents, Handlebarb waited for the reaction.

"Thank you for telling us." Her Dad began, a gentle look covering his face. "We're here for you however you need. Just let us know, okay?"

"Do you want to go shopping tomorrow?" Her Mom added. "We can get you whatever you need; new clothes, accessories, some smoothies, whatever you need to feel more comfortable."

Handlebarb shook her head. "I think I'm good for now. My clothes aren't really a problem, I'm not a dress kinda girl."

"Just to double check, she/her pronouns?" Her Dad asked.

"Exactly. Oh, and before you ask I'm still figuring out a name. That's kind of why I waited so long to tell you. The guys have helped me try some stuff out but..."

Todd piped up. "The only thing that fits right now is Handlebarb. But she's picky and says it's not a 'real' name."

Handlebarb scowled at her younger brother, but her attention quickly wandered to her mother who was making a face, looking like she was weighing options.

"You know, I kept a lot of the baby name books from when I was pregnant. Maybe you could look through some of those, I wrote plenty of notes in them."

"That sounds cool. Thanks, Mom."

The conversation slowed, returning to a weird normalcy that suddenly felt electric. Handlebarb watched her father recount a story from work, taking extra care to mention how he had bragged to a co-worker about his daughter's sports prowess and his daughter making it into advanced science this year. Handlebarb was elated, far more than she had ever imagined. Even after dinner, everything felt incredibly surreal. She messaged in the 10 Speeds chat how she had finally done it and was met with several bursts of virtual confetti. Once Todd was getting ready for bed, she crept downstairs and asked her dad to write the school note.

He did it the moment she asked.