The Ru Effect

Chapter Twenty two

The view from up here is stunning. Toronto looks so peaceful from the rooftop, the city lights sparkling like stars beneath me. I take it all in, the vastness, the breeze tugging at my hair, and for a moment, everything feels calm.

Then I hear his voice, soft but unmistakable. “You’re here.”

I turn to look at River, catching the way his eyes sweep over me, taking me in before he looks away, as if embarrassed.

I smile, unable to stop myself. There’s something about him, something that pulls me in every time, even when he tries so hard to push me away.

I move to sit beside him, right on the edge of the roof, my feet dangling off the side. The height should terrify me, but with River right there, I feel strangely safe. Neither of us says anything, just sitting in this quiet, shared space, while the city moves beneath us.

I glance at River, watching him as he stares down at the city below us, completely absorbed. The silence between us is thick, and I finally break it.

“Why do you always sit on the edge?” I ask softly, genuinely curious. There’s something about the way he’s perched here, as if he's balancing between staying and falling.

River shrugs, his voice low when he responds. “I like watching the city... reminds me that no matter what happens, the world keeps moving, it makes me feel so small”

His words hit me in a strange way, like there’s something deeper underneath that he isn’t saying. My mind immediately goes to Derrick. This has to be about him, about his brother. I don’t fully understand it, but I feel a pang in my chest anyway.

River shifts beside me, his gaze still fixed on the streets below, but his voice breaks through the silence.

“I’m sorry... for kicking you out of the apartment like that,” he says quietly. “It wasn’t my intention.”

The apology lingers in the air, but instead of feeling relieved, frustration wells up inside me. I know this is how it’s always going to be with him—this cycle. He’ll push me away the second I get too close, only to return when it feels safe for him. He knows I’ll be waiting, and that stings more than I want to admit.

I clench my fists slightly, fighting the urge to tell him everything I’m holding back. I want to say, I’m serious about you, River. I want to know you—the real you, not the person you show everyone else. I’ll care for you even if it hurts, even if you hurt me.

But I swallow the words, biting down hard on them. I can’t say that. If I do, he’ll retreat again, push me further away, and I’m not sure I can handle that right now.

So instead, I keep quiet, pretending like this—just being here next to him—is enough. Even though I know it’s not.

I clear my throat and lean back a bit, shifting my weight on my hands as the cool air whips around us. "So,there's this book Across the Borders—I’ve been obsessed ever since I started reading it two weeks ago." I glance over at River, hoping to lighten the mood. "Have you seen it?What do you think about it?"

His gaze softens a little, that stormy intensity in his eyes fading just slightly. "I didn’t finish it," he says, voice low but steady.

The way he looks at me, though, it’s like he’s grounding himself just by seeing me sitting here next to him.

I let out a laugh, the sound surprising me. "Well, neither did I. I mean… I kind of feel like it’s going to end tragically, you know? It would be too unrealistic if the two countries just magically stopped fighting after all that war history."