DREAMCATCHER || QIMIR

XXXVIII: Disillusioned

Ren was horrified beyond belief.

He didn't even realize that his shaking hand had stopped the camera footage, refusing to see any further after getting the answer he had been looking for. He slowly backed away from the control panel, his entire body shaking to the bones.

It was like cold water had been poured over his entire body and soul at the realization that the Grand Master Stellan Gios, who was highly celebrated by the entire Jedi Order for his bravery and heroism, was actually a murderer. And the fact that his fellow masters--and even his own master, Vernestra--actively participated in its cover up.

It felt like he had been woken up from an illusion. How much had they been hiding while teaching young Jedis to "follow the way of the force"? What had he been doing all these years, believing all those lies? What they did was nothing about the way of the force. It was pure selfishness.

Ren stumbled as he stood up, his head spinning as his world crumbled around him. He had identified as a Jedi all his life, but now he wasn't even sure if he still wanted to. In fact, he felt disgusted. He wanted to claw out of these Jedi clothes; out of his own skin. He wanted to detach himself from everything related to the Jedi Order, but how could he when it had been embedded so deep into his core?

At that moment, he could only think of one thing that could save him from completely breaking down--- Elysia.

Soon enough, he found himself mindlessly heading towards the city, his feet dragging on their own across the familiar path towards her shop. He didn't even mind the resentful gazes that darted towards him, as it was the first time he walked these Bleisian streets in Jedi clothing. In fact, he felt like he deserved it. He understood the hate because at that moment, he also hated himself.

As soon as he entered the apothecary shop, he found Elysia standing in between the aisles, caught in the middle of arranging vials on one of the shelves. She had been startled by how violent the wind chimes clinked due to the abrupt opening of the door.

As she realized it was Ren, her mouth opened to reprimand him, but was quick to notice his distressed state.

"What happened to you?"

Ren's lips pressed into a tight line, for a moment unable to answer as he couldn't decide whether to speak or embrace her. He ended up doing neither and instead stopped a few feet in front of her, his head hung low as he felt like he did not deserve to touch her nor even look her in the eyes.

"I... I need to talk to you..."

Sensing the gravity and urgency of the topic, Elysia used the force to flip the door sign to "closed" and grabbed Ren's arm to lead him towards the house at the back of the shop. She did not say a word until they were seated in front of each other at the small round table, and even then, Ren still refused to look straight at her.

"Ren, tell me what happened."

"I've seen what happened...thirteen years ago, to your father...." he drawled out, as if giving Elysia enough time to understand that he was pertaining to the day of her father's death. "I accessed the camera feed of Master Vernestra's ship, because it was the same ship they used when they went to your father here at Bleise. There were four of them. Master Elzar, Master Kriss, Master Vernestra, and Grand Master Gios."

Ren swallowed hard, his throat feeling unbelievably dry. He felt uncomfortable under Elysia's intense stare and the way her brows furrowed deeply into each other as she quietly listened.

 "They were indeed your father's former colleagues, and they did ask your father to rejoin the Order. But eventually your father found out that their main objective was to recruit you as a Padawan, which he refused. Grand Master Gios didn't take too kindly to his refusal."