If pressed by someone sufficiently high up the corporate ladder, J would admit that her wayward subordinate was so far beyond a normal Disassembly Drone that her hopes/expectations of being an Alpha had been a tad unrealistic. The gap had been bridged, certainly, but only enough to put them on even ground. Her wayward subordinate still had the clear edge in raw power, but J was close enough that her experience and skill actually made a difference.
Maybe it was this grudging acknowledgement of his prowess that changed things, but as their battle raged on J was struck by the urge to talk to him. She didn't know why it mattered, but suddenly she had things to say that she wanted him to hear. However, moving at speeds that rendered their bullets moot would make her words just as pointless.
Unless...
J used their next strategic disengagement to open up her squad chat menu, where she discovered that he was no longer registered as part of "JaVeliN". That had some...troubling implications that she did not want to think about. Fortunately she could still access their chat log.
SD-J: You know what pisses me off the most about this whole debacle? It's not that you betrayed your squad. It's not that you tried to kill me. It's that you were holding back the whole time!"
J growled as she dodged a right cross that might very well have taken her head off, flinching just slightly at the pain of a supersonic crack going off right next to her "ear". She tried to capture the offending arm and snap it off at the elbow, only to be thrown off almost instantly. She dashed back in with sword thrust that was parried and his horizontal slash counter was deflected upward.
J's left leg lashed out with a sweeping kick that carried on into a tail whip, then a claw swipe and finally a sword slash that managed to open up a gash across her opponent's chest. He evened the score immediately when his tail darted out and landed a burning scratch on her cheek, which she immediately licked to neutralize the acid. There was another pause as they both considered their next moves.
SD-J: Where was all this power when other squads were leaving us in the dust? Where was this effectiveness when Corporate was breathing down my neck? Where was this resolve when you promised over and over again to do better?!
She studiously ignored the little voice in the back of her head that reminded her that he DID do better when he made those promises. Right up until she lied to him about his numbers, causing him to stop doing what was actually working.
Why did she shoot herself in the foot like that if the goal was to beat the competition? It certainly wasn't because it gave her a convenient excuse to berate and beat and maim and mangle him until he made those promises again.
Right?
'It was about keeping his ego in check! If you praise underlings too much, they forget their place and think they don't have to try so hard anymore because they're on the boss' good side,' J thought, shutting the voice down as she always did with her flawless logic. 'It's not my fault that he chose to use that constructive criticism to fuel depression instead of motivation!'
They rushed each other with blades drawn, only to have them shatter upon contact with each other. Again. It made sense that their standard equipment wasn't made to handle the kind of power they were swinging with, but still.
SD-N: I guess my heart just wasn't in it.
J paused for a split second, which ended up costing her a pigtail. She hadn't expected a reply, let alone one so infuriatingly flippant.
SD-J: So that's it? Nearly two decades of constant stress, YEARS-worth of sleep lost figuring out ways to keep us ALL from being TERMINATED, and THAT is all you have to say for yourself?! "I don't wanna"; that's what it boils down to, you whiny, selfish little man-child?!
