Grapes Upside Down

61. Besitos de Manjar

~Madisen~

I can tell the travel back home is long and grueling for some of the girls, but for me, cuddled up against Noah on planes and busses, it's a dream. We chat for hours completely in Spanish, reliving all our favorite moments of the semester. At least half of them revolve around Glenn--Glenn stealing a wine glass, Glenn telling us to commit ourselves (not to an institution!), Glenn practically wrapping his arm around the neck of a llama and posing with a "hang loose" sign, as if the animal were his frat bro.

Noah asks all about Elly, and we go beyond the sweet, sassy quotes that have my family in stitches each day. I share the journey my moms and I have been on raising a neuro-divergent kiddo, from locating the proper supports to learning how to regulate our own emotions when things feel impossible. I attempt to convey how heartbreakingly interesting of a person my sister is. The way she knows exactly what she wants and will not back down regardless of any parenting technique, sticker chart, dessert bribery or threat one might throw her way. How she both fits the descriptors of autism while shattering through them, layers deep. Noah listens, enraptured, as I describe how Eliana will army crawl through the mall with zero awareness of her "unexpected behavior," yet an hour later you'll find yourself engaged in a deep philosophical discussion about death, God and the bodily sensations of gratitude.

After opening up about my family dynamics, Noah lets down some of his strong big brother walls, hinting at the strain of constantly feeling responsible for the physical, emotional and mental well-being of his entire household. He allows himself to shed a few more tears over his dog.

When our brains grow tired of searching for vocabulary words in our non-native language, we snuggle into one another to rest in content silence.

"I forgot to ask you a very important question," Noah informs me towards the last leg of our bus ride. Leaning against his chest, I can feel his heartbeat pick up speed, which causes a burst of euphoria in my own heart. He has been fiddling with my hands for hours on end, circling patterns across my palms, teasing my fingertips with light tapping.

"What is it? I'm excited!"

"Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?" The earnest tone and innocent phrasing of his proposition cause a hot popcorn explosion of cuteness inside my chest.

"¡Sipo!" I exclaim, clutching him tighter.

He attempts to draw me closer, even though we're already smashed together, catching my lips in a short kiss that, despite its brevity, creates an irresistible heat between us. I can tell by Noah's body language and the swelling colors of his eyes that he's totally turned on and probably wishes we were somewhere private. Suddenly, I can't wait to be home and kiss him senseless.

Noah catches the mischievous smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, perking his curiosity.

"¿Qué? ¿En qué piensas?" 

Blushing, I avoid meeting his gaze, whispering into his ear: "I'm just thinking about when we'll be alone, so I can kiss you more."

His breath catches, and he brushes his hand across my stomach--a simple touch that gets my whole body tingling intensely. I reciprocate with a warm hand over his thigh, which he seems to enjoy quite a bit, judging by the sort of tortured smirk that overtakes his face.

"You're killing me, Madicita," he groans into my ear.

I continue to tease him with subtle movements up, down, left, right, allowing the irresistible reactions of his breath to guide me rather than thinking too much about what I'm doing.

"The problem..." Noah whispers against my neck, "is that we have full-time supervision at home, for the next month."

It's true; Graciela rarely leaves the house except to run to the market, and she has generally made it a point not to leave Noah and me home alone together if she can help it.