Grapes Upside Down

55. Milka

~Madisen~

"You're not packed yet!" Clara scolds me when Graciela leads her to my room.

"¡Estoy empacando ahora!" I defend.

I continue rolling up leggings, sweatpants and long-sleeved shirts into tiny bundles to stuff into my suitcase. In the crevices, I stuff various snacks--trail mix, Milka chocolate, granola bars and two bags of dried mango. We leave for Torres del Paine, Patagonia tomorrow morning.

"¡Lonche en quince minutos!" Graciela calls generally as she struts down the hallway. Noah is also in his room packing.

"¿Cómo estás, Madisen?" Clara asks, running her hands through my hair from behind as I fight for space to tuck a rain jacket next to my hiking boots.

"Estoy bien, creo." I turn to face Clara, and she smiles warmly, taking in my features.

"Te ves bien, creo." She tells me she thinks I look good, echoing my sentiment that I think I feel good, too.

"It's a little weird... like all my supposed 'love' for Ignacio evaporated in an instant. Am I cold-hearted not to even care, after being in so deep with him?"

"Girl, you were in love with the feeling of love. And he hardcore love-bombed you."

"Yeah. By the way, how had I never heard of that term before--love bombing?"

"My precious, innocent Madisen." Clara cups my face like an overly-affectionate grandmother.

"It felt so good to hear someone tell me exactly what they thought and felt about me, instead of having to guess, wonder and agonize." Ignacio had tattooed his feelings onto me with rainbow sharpie, leaving no doubts. I just didn't realize it was all fiction.

Clara sighs, taking my hand and playing with my fingers.

"I was played so bad. Ugh, I'm still so annoyed."

"Well, you got out before it was too late. And you're okay. You're not damaged. You're stronger and smarter now."

"Why, though, do I always trust people to be sincere and genuine? It's like I never learn."

"I know, sweetie. That's because you are sincere and genuine, so it makes sense that you would expect others to be too."

I nod, sighing.

"But you know who you can trust completely, don't you?"

I inhale, slowly, not trusting the oxygen of hope cleansing my lungs, anticipating the answer to Clara's riddle. Tiny dots, like dewdrops set to burst against a four leaf clover in the glistening morning sun, gather in the corner of my eyes.

"Noah?" I rasp.

"Noah."

There's a moment of peaceful, sturdy connection between Clara and me as our eyes blink into one another's. It's permission, confirmation--that nudging I craved from her the first time around. Heartfelt, like she loves me and cares tenderly for Noah and wants the best for both of us.

"I think my feelings for Noah were present the entire time I was with Ignacio. But I confused them with regret for lost friendship and didn't recognize them as love."

Clara gives me a hug, then begins removing and rearranging all the clothing in my suitcase. She stares disapprovingly at some of my item choices.

"Have you ever gone backpacking before?"

"No..." I answer, nerves stirring at her questioning tone.

"Never? Alrighty. Um, good luck. Hope you're ready for this, chica."