Behind Her Eyes, Within Her Smile

CH.11

Willow's POV

" I feel like I'm not enough for her, Laila. Kamala completely forgot I was in the room when that woman showed up." I continued folding my clothes into my overnight bag because I was staying the night at Kamala's.

" I wouldn't think too much into it, Low. The woman has been here for like two days. She's just happy to see her again. I think it'll all wear off."

I wanted to believe the words Laila was saying to me, but I didn't. Something inside was making me believe, and feel, very differently. Maybe I was overthinking about the entire thing. Besides, me and kamala hadn't officially given this thing we were involved in a title. It made me feel very small and powerless whenever I had the thought of having to fight for someone's attention, or love. I've done that a lot in my life.

"That woman, Cynthia, is very beautiful. She walked into the room and took up so much space like she belonged there. I'm full of jealousy because she appears very self-assured. I think Kamala likes that about her. "

"Willow, that woman is like thirty years older than you. Of course she's self-assured and taking up space. She's had enough experience."

What Laila was saying made sense but my brain wouldn't allow me to accept that perspective. It was like it physically hurt me to think of things on the bright side.

"I just want her gone. I need to see exactly what Kamala-"

We heard Jasmine running up the stairs and immediately stopped in our tracks.

"Hey y'all." She stood in the doorway trying to catch her breath.

"Hey, Jaz!" Laila was trying her best not to look suspicious

"Hi, Jasmine." I continued with packing my bag. I didn't even have the energy to try and pretend like I was okay.

"What's wrong with you, Low?" Jasmine stepped inside my room

"Nothing. I'm just thinking a lot right now."

"Don't think too hard." She rubbed my head

The energy around me and Jasmine was becoming eerie. I didn't know if it was because I was hiding something from her or if there was something else below the surface.

"Well, I'm getting ready to head out. I'll see you guys later on." I zipped up my bag and started towards the door.

"Where are you headed?" Jasmine questioned me like I was being interrogated.

"A friend's place. If that's alright with you." It slipped out of my mouth in such a rude way. I didn't even know why I was annoyed with her- I wasn't really annoyed with Jasmine. I was more so annoyed with myself. "I didn't mean for it to come off rudely. I'm sorry."

Kamala's House

Kamala massaged the shampoo into my scalp firmly. Each time I felt her fingers caressing my scalp it sent chills through my body.

"I see you enjoy head massages." I could hear Kamala smiling through her words.

"Yea. I do." I kept my response short. I wanted us to sit in silence, but Kamala was a yapper. I was feeling so many emotions inside; Most of them were brought to the surface by things that laid dormant inside me. I didn't want to address how Kamala made me feel because I didn't have much to say to her at the moment.

"How was your day?" She applied more of the shampoo.
"It was alright. I didn't really do much." My thoughts were so cloudy; It had been that way these past two days. "How was yours?"

"Mine was pretty stagnant. I was able to sit and read the papers and a few of the books I've been needing to get caught up on. Not much action. I was missing you for most of the day."