(This is a love letter to my late grandmother. The one I loved, and will always love most, for as long as I live, and long after I am gone)
To the only one that has ever truly loved me,
With adoration as pure as dawn
The sun's rays kissing the earth hello
Chasing away the bitter loneliness of night
Fighting to keep us warm
Keep us alive.
I hear you when the birds sing
How softly you'd speak
And I'd hang on to every word
Entranced by your lullaby of stories
I see you in the intricate designs of a butterfly's wings
Imprinted into their flesh
Just as the memory of you is engraved in my fractured mind,
My withered heart
The cracks of my soul
And just as a butterflies' wings beat with ferocious grace
Carrying it from one delicate flower to another
Just to survive
I see the way you fought to provide for the ones you cherished
The children you were made to raise alone
For you lost your love too early
A chip in your own wings
Yet you survived
I see your kindness in your daughter
How she carries those around her
How she took me in as one of her own
When I was forced to turn away from my own flesh and blood
I'll never say it, but I cherish the similarities in our reflections
I see it as a gift
For I want the depths of my being to mirror her own
Her generosity, her strength, her devotion.
When masses of clouds war with the star of day
In an attempt to conceal light
I'm reminded of you still
I envision the shades of grey in your hair
And when droplets fall from the sky
A slight drizzle at first
I relive the day you departed to meet with our Creator
How one tear fell
Followed by another
And then realisation hit me
With the force of a storm fiercer than any before it
That you would never witness me grow into a woman
Watch as I marry and bare children of my own someday
In came the downpour
And I wept
I wept till the fabric of my pillow was drenched in my agony
I wept till I heaved
Struggling to take in a singular breath of air
I slept in the same room you passed in that night
It was my parents' bedroom, but nobody questioned me, nor refused when I asked
Forever grateful am I for it.
I still have your pillow
The frilled edges of its case
Floral patterns filled with pinks, greens, beiges and blues
It lays with me in my bed
A piece of you I'll always have
And the gold-plated ring
Which once adorned your finger
A single purple gem atop it
Sits in a box on my wooden desk
I won't wear it
Not yet
Not until I am at least half the woman you once were.
I know you are in a place so wondrous,
My feeble mortal mind could never begin to fathom its greatness
But even though I miss you immeasurably,
I hope your spirit is filled with joy
And I hope that when Heaven's breeze wafts through your soft strands
You're reminded of the way you'd brush my hair with your delicate hands
For that is where the wind takes my thoughts
I hope you've found everything you once sought.
With all my love,
Your granddaughter.
