The Arrangement

Chapter Twenty-Three

Carter

Although I'm meant to be replying to my hordes of emails my eyes constantly shift over to where Ashton sleeps on the bed, sprawled out after his shower this morning.

His hears still damp and he's lying on his front, his body relaxed in a rare moment of vulnerability. The sheets haphazardly draped over him, barely concealing the curve of his back and hips. The sight would be serene if it wasn't for his busted knuckles, raw and angry, a stark contrast against the pale linen.

It's not the first time he's behaved in this way, venting out his frustrations and anger when he can't manage his emotions. The only difference this time is I'm no longer turning a blind eye.

It has to stop. Enough is enough.

I can't just sit by and continue to watch him hate himself because of who he really is. It's been bad enough watching him wrestle with it for all these years but now he's added in beating himself up about Jamie, it's ten times worse.

I've always said that I'll be there for him to support him in finding healthier ways to cope with his emotions and the complexities of his identity and I still mean every word. I just want him to finally find peace within himself to accept and embrace who he truly is without fear or shame.

Rising from my chair, I make my way over to the bed, climbing on and making my way up until I'm hovering over his body. He only stirs slightly, and I gather that's because he's always the most relaxed when it's just the two of us. Not on high alert as much as he usually is.

He stirs again as I kiss the base of his spine, the warmth of his skin a gentle invitation beneath my lips. The muscles on his back flex instinctively, a subtle reminder of the strength contained within his frame. I linger for a moment, savouring the connection that's always been there between us before I press my lips to his back once more, slowly making my way upwards.

With each gentle press of my lips, his smooth skin brushing against mine, it's impossible not to let desire sink into my emotions. My cock aches painfully in my boxers and when I kiss up his neck to the sensitive skin beneath his ear, I know he's awake by the change in his breathing and the way his ass shifts, rubbing against again me and only causing me to harden painfully.

"We're going home today" I say softly kissing there softly and I feel his whole-body tense beneath me. Sighing i press my lips to his skin again, letting them linger there for a moment, "we can't hide here forever, you can't hide forever either Ash"

"I'm not fucking hiding" he grunts, that anger bubbling up inside him like it always does.

He attempts to push up and move me off him, but I refuse to move. I can sense his frustration simmering beneath the surface, and I know pushing him too hard could push him away entirely. But retreating isn't an option, not when I know the turmoil he's going through.

"I'm not-" he begins to deny, and I cut him off before he can even attempt to get the words out.

"Not what Ash? Gay? Bi?" I snap, my tone harsh. "Yeah, we've had this conversation"

It's the same every fucking time and I know I shouldn't get frustrated with him but it's also excruciating when I know the way he tortures himself. It's pointless me saying he doesn't have to label himself because we've also had that conversation more times than I can count.

This is a dance we've done before, and I know the steps all too well.

"Ash," I continue, keeping my voice steady despite the heat of the moment. "You can't keep living like this, it's exhausting for us all and it's hurting you more than you realise." I take a breath, trying to soften my approach a bit. "I care about you too much to let you keep hiding from this"