The Arrangement

Chapter Sixty-Four

Carter

I was pretty sure I was losing my fucking mind.

The whole time we've been here I've struggled to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. It's been as if my brain has been a tangled mess of thoughts, all fighting for attention, yet none of them sticking long enough for me to make any sense of them.

Even before Blair barged in here I was sitting staring at my laptop unable to quite comprehend what it was that I was hearing and watching.

It could be the drink but I reckon it's more than that. It's my mind fucking with me and making all this tens times worse than it needs to be.

I had thought when it came to Lennox and Henley, for the most part things were in a good place. Me and Henley being able to work through our challenges had helped. There's was a newfound strength in our relationship, a resilience that came from weathering the storm together and coming out stronger on the other side. But that quickly disappeared as I found myself retreating away from them all. Shutting myself away ion this study.

Then when it came to Blair and Ashton, that was a whole different story. They were the main cause of my difficulty to focus.

What didn't help was finding them fucking around in the shower together. That tipped me over the edge and once again I let my emotions take over, get the better of me. In truth I had a moment when my control slipped, again, which seems to be a reoccurring theme where they're both involved.

Ashton still hasn't said a single word to me in days. Won't fucking talk to me, yet he's been all over her. Pining after her like a lost fucking puppy and to say it's been grating on my last nerve would be a significant understatement. I was going to swallow my pride down and speak to them, attempt to clear the air between us all.

Or well I had every intention of doing that until they emerged from the bedroom the other day and the moment my eyes landed on them I was stopped in my tracks. Especially when I spotted her swollen lips and flushed cheeks. They were like a fucking beacon shoving it in my face exactly what they'd fucking been up to.

That was the exact moment I'd convinced myself that Blair had a game plan to come between us. I'd assumed that this was all her doing but I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried.

I'd been sitting in here for days drinking, seething and convincing myself that she was so angry, hurt and upset she'd set her sights on using Ash to cause as much friction as she could.

And I was sure it was fucking working.

I was sure she'd managed to ensure he spent every waking moment at her side, playing on her wounds to suck him in even further, drawing him in with a siren call of vulnerability that he couldn't seem to resist. And Ashton, with his savior complex, was falling for it, hook, line, and sinker.

I thought she was pulling him away from me, knowing full well that Jamie had already paved the way for it to happen and how much it would get to me this time around.

I was absolutely certain she's manipulating everything to her advantage.

But then in the biggest turn of events I've just sat here and watched her defend me. Fucking get upset on my behalf when I was adamant that she hated me.

Because in truth she had every fucking right to hate me.

Even now as she sits opposite me drinking her whisky down -shudder slightly with each mouthful she takes down- I'm still reeling from what I've just watched, unable to comprehend that she of all people is willing to stand up for me after everything I've put her through.

Maybe I am losing my mind, maybe I've drunk myself into such a state I've just imagined the whole thing. Because I'd of never thought that Ashton would purposely try to get to me in that way. Use someone else to dig the knife in further. Yet here I am sitting opposite Blair realising that I've been wrong this whole fucking time.

It's not often I admit that I'm wrong, not even to myself. But as it stands right now I have to.

Blair is a complete anomaly. From the start she's amazed me at every turn. Left me reeling trying to figure out how the hell I've managed to underestimate her so much.

I should apologise, admit how wrong I've been, yet as her eyes meet mine I can't force myself to say a single word. Instead I just sit silently as we both stare off at each other.

It's her that speaks first as she scoff's shaking her head. "I bet you didn't see your day ending like this did you" she says and she 100% right.

I didn't expect it and I still don't quite believe it either.

"You're an ass you know that right" she says, her tone blunt with no attempt at being soft in the slightest and it does make me chuckle.

"So I've been told" I retort bringing my glass up to my lips. I take a long swig, embracing the slight burn that comes with it. "Many times before" I then as after I swallow.

"I still think you're in the wrong and I'm still angry you" she then says clearly needing to get that point across.

I give a clipped nod, not in the slightest bit surprised. In truth I'm starting to think she seems to be the only one out of us that can establish who is right and wrong amongst all of this mess.

She quiet for a moment as she continues drinking, then after a long sigh she speaks again. "Is there a camera in my room?"

"Yes" I reply truthfully and watch as her eyes bulge. "There's camera's in every room, but the bedroom ones are disabled," I then explain but I can see the scepticism in her expression.

Turning the laptop for her to see I click a few keys and bring up the feed of the whole place, including the outside camera's that she Ash sitting outside hunched over with his head in his hands.

She scans the screen and nods to herself but then her eyes land on the same one I'm watching with Ash.

"He told me about cutting himself" she says softly her voice barely above a whisper and that part does surprise me.

Apart form his mother, I think I'm the only person that Ash has ever told out his cuts and the scars that mar his arms. Just the thought of them has me swallowing hard as I try to push down the unwelcome emotions that start to brew up inside me.

Resting back in her chair she regards me for a long moment, her eyes burning into me as if she's trying to see right through to my soul.

"You really do love him don't you" she says, her tone earnest.

Again that lump forms in my throat as I reply. "Of course I do."

It's easy to say because it's the truth. It's the one thing I'm actually still certain of right now.

"Still even after the way he's acted?" She asks arching a brow.

"I'll never stop" I reply without even a second passing.

There's a slight smile that tugs at her lips but she doesn't comment as I go on. "Even if he had of left I would have still loved him, I wouldn't be able to stop" I say truthfully.

"Maybe it would have been a good thing if the camera's in my room were connected, then you would have heard him say the exact same thing" there's so much sorrow in her tone when she speaks, I can't help but be taken back by how much she cares for others.

She could have done exactly what I thought she was trying to do, she could have unraveled us easily. Especially with how we've practically done the ground work ourselves.

Yet here she is genuinely caring about us. It doesn't make any sense.

She's quiet for a while, continuing to drink as she stares off at the distance. So quiet its unnerving. When she finally speaks her voice is barely above a whisper. "I think I'd like to go home now"