The Arrangement

Chapter Sixty-Three

Blair

I have never known such selfish men in my whole entire life. They're meant to love and care about each other, be in a relationship that is meant to be protective of each other. 

Yet from everything I have seen it's nothing like that at all. 

I'm so fucking angry and upset, and it's not even for me. Yes Ashton is right, Carter has been a fucking asshole to me. But he in no way deserve to be treated like that by someone he clearly fucking loves and would do anything for. 

I had thought after our talk the other day, that Ashton realised that Carter is scared and hurting in his own way. But clearly I was wrong because he's has purposely hurt him in a way that I had never expected. 

As he stalks out of the room silently I clamp my hands together in my lap to stop them from shaking because of how angry I am with them. Ashton especially but with Henley and Lennox as well for not even considering calling him out. Or checking if Carter is okay. 

No wonder he's completely shut himself away from everyone. Especially when he's clearly still reeling from the revelation that Ashton considered to leave him for Jamie. Which Ashton still hasn't spoken to him about. 

Yeah he's been a dick but he must feel so alone and I for one don't want anyone to have to feel that way. Not if I'm part of the reason for it too. 

I turn my attention to the TV. Pressing play but not really taking in any of the episode as I get myself more and mor emotional. 

"Blair are you okay?" Lennox asks after a while. 

Him and Henley have been completely silent, and although I've been able to feel their eyes on me I've forced myself not to look in their direction.

"No I'm not okay." I admit, swatting away the tears that trickle down my cheeks. 

I hear one of them sigh, and movement from their couch before they both come to sit either side of me. 

"Blair you're better off staying out of it, it doesn't do anyone any good to get involved in their mess. Trust me" Lennox says softly, putting his arm around me. 

Although I do slouch down into his hold slightly it doesn't dampen any of the anger I feel for the two of them too. 

"No you're wrong" I say shaking my head. "You're all so fucking wrong and you don't even see it" 

When they're both silent I pull out of Lennox's hold and sit myself upright. "Don't you see it?" I say turning my head between them both as I speak. "You're all in a relationship together, all of you. Get you're all so divided it's actually heartbreaking to see" 

Neither of them comment as they let me go on. "You keep so many secrets from each other and so quick to turn on each other when it's moments like this when you should be coming together to work through everything." I choke on a little sob as the emotions completely get the better of me. 

It's Henley that lets out a long breath and puts his arm around me this time. "Blair come on, you're breaking my heart here. This isn't something you need to be upset about" 

He doesn't get it, none of them seem to and it's so infuriating it makes me want to scream. "Good!" I snap. "You should be upset, you all should be" 

"You're meant to love each other but this isn't how you act when you love someone. You're all so fucking selfish and I can't actually take it anymore" At that I shove him away from me and rise up from the couch. 

"Blair" he calls out and attempts to grab my hand to pull me back but I snatch it out away from him. 

I ignore both of them calling after me as I hurry off away from them, as quickly as my fucked up feet will let. I don't even think about where I'm going or realise it until I step into the darkened study and close the study door behind me. Leaning against it I take in a deep breath and close my eyes. 

It's silent, completely and utterly silent. And for a moment I wonder if I'm in here alone, but when I finally crack my eyes open they land on Carter sat behind his desk. His laptop the only light in the room illuminating him as he sits with his eyes fixed onto me. 

Neither of us say a word as we stare at each other, I don't even attempt to move. Instead I watch as he brings his glass up to his lips and finishes off the remainder of the amber liquid without even so much as a flinch. 

The air around us is thick, so tense it almost makes it difficult to breath but I don't attempt to retreat. For the first time I finally feel like I understand the man staring back at me, get what everyone else doesn't see, or well what they're all too self absorbed to see. 

"I take it you saw and heard all of that" I say softly, the quietness of the room making it feel like I've just shouted the words at him. 

Nodding he reaches for the bottle on his table and refills his glass. 

"Is there a glass for me?" I say, swallowing down the lump in throat as I do. 

He opens his desk draw and pulls out another glass, placing is on the table he fills it from the bottle and gestures for me to take the seat opposite him. 

They're the only words we say to each other. Even as I move across the room to the seat opposite him. All we do is sit in complete silence opposite each other. Drowning our sorrows together.