The Arrangement

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Blair

"Honestly I don't understand why you guys have a chef when Henley can cook like this" I say to Lennox as he reaches over and pours me another glass of wine.

"You hear that Len, she thinks I'm better than the chef" Henley calls from the kitchen, his tone full of glee as something clatters from in there.

It causes Lennox to sigh and roll his eyes, yet there's still a smile tugging at his lips. "The chef leaves less of a mess" he grumbles not bothering to lower his voice, seeming to want Henley to hear him.

"Don't start that crap again" Henley calls as he comes waltzing back in with the Black Forest gateau I chose at the store. "He makes out like I'm some Neanderthal" he mocks and the way their eyes meet literally has my heart swooning.

I think I genuinely love watching the two of them interact with each other. There's so much love and affection between them it's difficult to understand why they would even consider bringing others into their relationship.

So much more so now I know their history.

Even now as I watch them go back and forth teasingly I feel a little jealous of what they have yet I'm also in complete awe of them at the same time.

It would be so easy to feel like a third wheel yet I don't feel like that at all, especially not when Lennox rests his hand on my thigh causing goosebumps to explode across my skin. It's like that small action is his way of drawing me into their little bubble and if I'm honest I love being in it with them.

"So what do you think of this place?" He asks shifting the conversation.

Glancing round I smile, "Honestly, I love it, I really don't get why you'd choose to live in the city over somewhere like here, it's just so... peaceful." In truth it's probably the most relaxed I've felt in weeks.

Henley leans back in his seat and lets out a groan like sound as he looks up to the ceiling, causing Lennox to chuckle.

"You've always lived in the city though right?" He asks.

"Yeah, or well up until I went to college where I swapped one city for the other" I reply with a shrug.

"What made you want to get into nursing?" Henley now asks.

I always feel a tinge of sadness every time someone asks me this question and it never gets any easier to answer.

Letting out a long breath I prepare myself to answer that question. "When my mom was dying I felt so helpless. Like there was nothing I could do but then she had these nurses that came from a hospice" I say, shifting slightly in my seat from the intensity of the way their both listening to me, their gazes fixed on me.

"They helped her when there was nothing that could be done. And by that I mean they made her final weeks and days peaceful" I say, the memories flooding back like they only happened yesterday. "I wanted that. To be able to help people like that, be able to bring not just my patients but their families comfort during the hardest times of their lives"

"So you want to be a hospice nurse" Henley notes but as he does my chest tightens almost painfully.

"I did yeah" I admit, fully expecting the next question.

"But not anymore?" Henley asks and I feel my throat constrict as I attempt to force myself to respond.

I can't quite manage it though and shake my head instead before quite literally downing my glass of wine.

I expect more questions about it but instead they go in a different direction. One I really really don't want to talk about.

"So what happened with your friend earlier?" Lennox asks reaching for the bottle again and filling my glass.

I freeze with both their eyes on me expectantly, completely clamming up. "Err nothing"

I don't miss the quick glance they share before Henley sighs. "Pretty big nothing seeing as it had you sitting in a park in the rain" he says with an arch of a brow.

Ashton was right I am a terrible liar and something tells me they're both seeing straight through it right now.

"I just needed time to decompress" I say not exactly lying.

"Yeah I get that" Lennox replies with a nod, "guess it's been a lot to take in these last few weeks"

"In some ways yes," I admit, but then bite down on my lip before I continue. Fully letting the wine fuel my words. "But in others it's most liberated I've ever felt in my life"

"I get that" Lennox replies with an air of trepidation to his tone. "But this is the second time you've left being with her and shut yourself down"

I don't know what to say as they both stare at me expectantly. I can't tell them the truth but I just can't lie to them either. I feel just as trapped as I did when I was sitting there with Tif.

So instead of either I decide to go with a middle response. "She has a lot of opinions about what I'm doing" I finally reply.

I let the wine fuel my words again as I continue, "like don't get me wrong, Tif has always been one to say exactly what she thinks and I've always thought it came from a place of love but then she actually said that I was pretty much a prostitute." I explain, watching as both their eyes widen in surprise. "She convinced me to do this, spent weeks pushing and pushing until I relented"

Again they share a look that I don't really understand but I don't let it stop me. Now I've started I can't stop as I let some parts spill out. Lifting some of the weight. "Don't get me wrong, she didn't force me, I'm a willing participant. Very willing" I scoff. "But after she said that I've never felt so disgusted with myself"

"Blair you're not-" Lennox cut in but I stop him, knowing exactly what he's going to say.

"I know I'm not but didn't stop it from stinging any less" I deadpan and there seems to be understanding that flashes across his expression.

"To be honest she sounds like a bitch" Lennox grumbles his usual light tone gone.

"Yeah like you wouldn't believe" I scoff but there's no real amusement in my tone.

Squeezing my thigh he leans forward, his gaze a little intense it's causes me to shift. "I'm sorry to tell you this Blair," he says with a pause, "but she's not your friend."

His words sting but not in the way that Tif's did. I guess the sayings true. The truth hurts.

"Yeah I guess I've realised that now" I sigh.

"Well I think this calls for music and drinking" Henley declares, his tone light and uplifting.

"We're already drinking" I note raising my glass.

"We just need the music then" he says tapping his phone, then Summer of '69 starts blaring through the whole place.