The Arrangement

Chapter Forty-Nine

Blair

If I could pace the room right now, I would. But unfortunately I'm stuck in this fucking bed staring up at the ceiling. All of my emotions bubbling and festering beneath the surface of my skin, just begging to be let loose.

I'm past the point of being exhausted, yet I just can't shut off and allow sleep to take its hold. It's like every single creak or whir of the wind has me on high alert as if I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

There's not a chance in hell I can fall asleep which just makes everything so much worse.

The worst part being the reality of the fact that I'm stuck here.

I can't physically leave by myself, I know that and so do they. To make it worse they're all agreeing with Carter following his orders like they always do except I'm the one that's drawn the short straw.

Even if I could walk out of here I have no idea where my phone is. They're literally keeping me hostage here.

Ashton was adamant in reminding me that they just wanted to make sure I was okay when he carried me into this room. Thankfully not the one in the basement. Yet it hasn't damped how I'm feeling in the slightest.

My feet hurt, my hands hurt, but most of all my heart hurts.

Their whole thing has been about me putting my trust in them, trust that whilst being thrust into this whole new world, they'd ensure that I was safe and didn't get hurt.

Yet tonight that trust has been completely shattered.

I don't think I've ever experienced that kind of fear before, it was nothing like how it felt in the forest with Ashton. This was completely different, where the fear id felt then was laced with an inexcusable undercurrent of desire driven adrenaline. This was just pure relentless fear and I don't think it'll be a feeling I'll ever be able to shake off.

I'm so on edge the moment I hear the creak outside my bedroom door I shoot up and clutch the duvet to my chest despite the way my hands protest like I've just endured a thousand paper cuts.

There's a gentle knock on the door and for a moment I hesitate to respond, wondering if I just stay silent whoever it is will go away. When they knock gently again and call my name I deflate slightly when I realise it's Henley,

Don't get me wrong I'm still pissed with him and beyond hurt by his involvement in what happened tonight but I do appreciate the fact he punched Carter. In fact I wish I wasn't having too much of a meltdown to miss it. Actually I'd quite like to see him get punched again.

Right in his cantankerous fucking bossy face.

"Come in" I finally call, still clutching the duvet when the door slowly opens and Henley takes one hesitant step inside. An expression of concern and guilt mixing together on his face.

"What do you want?" I snap, my walls slamming up straight away.

He rubs a hand against the back of his neck and lets out a long sigh before finally responding. "I noticed your light was still on and wanted to check if there was anything you needed"

He sounds so sincere and genuine it only causes my frustration to bubble up again. If there's one thing I've learnt from this whole ordeal, it's that someone can pretend to care about you until they suddenly don't anymore.

Tif being a prime example of that.

"I couldn't sleep" I inform him and hold his gaze, attempting to pierce through him with my glare. Hoping it's expressing exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Expressing my unspoken words. I'm too fucking traumatised to sleep.

From the way he shifts from one foot to the other I guess he's received the message.

His eyes dart around my room and he goes to take another step forward but halts seeming to change his mind. "Are you in pain?" Again there's that concern edged in his tone and I find myself snapping back straightaway.

"Physically? No" I scoff, feeling a flood of emotion hit me.

"Blair-" he sighs finally taking steps toward the bed.

I watch his every move, tensing when he reaches the end of the bed.

"I feel really betrayed by you all" I admit, a little lump forming in my throat, "but I'm most hurt by you and Lennox" I then say and his instant reaction is to drop his head as if in shame.

"I really thought you two had let me into what you share" my voice crack as I speak that truth and I could swear he visibly shudders from it.

"We did Blair," he sighs actually sounding genuine but I don't let it soften me or how I'm feeling.

"Let me in that much you turned against me the first chance you got" I mock shaking my head.

"Can you really blame us for being concerned after what Jamie did?" There's a bite to his tone, that animosity from earlier seeping in yet it's directed at me this time which he has no right to be doing.

I accept that what Jamie did must have been horrifying for them all, but it gave them no right to treat me the way they did. Nothing warrants that.

"No" I admit, empathising with him. But only slightly, "but I can blame you for how you reacted" I then add leaving the malice in my tone which causes him to shudder again.

"You're never going to forgive us are you?" He says more like he's voicing the realisation than actually asking me, yet I still reply.

"You're joking right?" I scoff, "Of course I'm not"

"The moment I can walk out of here myself, I will and after I want nothing to do with any of you" I say with every shred of determination I can muster together.

It seems to take a moment meant for my words to sink in and it's as if I'm staring off with a statue until he finally nods slowly and turns to leave.

Only halting briefly at the door as he turns to face me. "Night Blair" he says softly and without another word from either of us he leaves closing the door behind him.

Leaving me reeling with my thoughts and emotions, continuing the emotional rollercoaster I've been stuck on all day.