Marauders

The Art of Bastardism

Jones Blakk awoke to the sound of his bones cracking back into place. He couldn't feel the pain, just the movement of his intestines as they returned to their original shape, and as his eyes snapped open, all he could see was an ocean of green, small bubbles rising to the surface of the ocean. He began to writhe, feeling wires that had been inserted into his skin by some unknown being. He felt them ping out of him, one at a time, and heard screams of what he assumed must be the fires of hell themselves. 'Well,' Jones thought to himself as he felt himself fade into darkness, drowning in the ocean of green 'I always knew I was going to hell. Wonder if Calvin's gonna be there?'

"Jones Blakk," A soothing, silky voice washed over him, all of it comforting him, relaxing his entire body. He didn't buy it for one second,

"Fuck you," He responded, without opening his eyes. If Satan was going to try and trick him into thinking he had made it to heaven, he was going to make the devil very sad, 

"I've not heard that one before," The voice responded, slightly bemused, and as Jones opened his eyes, he came face to face with a tall golden woman who glowed with Aura, her face crinkled into a smile, "you're in purgatory. Between the afterlife and the thing you call life,"

It dawned on Jones that he had just told God to fuck off, and he stood up quickly, shocked at the realisation. They were in an endless misty plain, standing on what appeared to be nothing, but had the texture of solid steel. His mind turned to the Reigen and Nash, and as his thoughts crossed them, a television set appeared before him and The Goddess, playing live footage of Nash beating the living daylights out of Reigen as a doctor ran into the room, messing with a giant cylinder that was filled to the brim with green fluid,

"So I was in a regeneration chamber?" Jones asked, "how come I woke up, then?"

"You were revived because Chimera was in control during your sedation," The Goddess responded, "Regeneration chambers work with electric brain signals to put their occupants to sleep, which is why when your mind changed, you woke up and ripped the funnel which was working your lungs from outside,"

Jones began to pace the misty nothingness, avoiding the Goddess' gaze as he swivelled,

"So, where are Chimera and Nighthawk?" Jones asked, before putting it together himself, "they have their own souls, right? They're in different purgatories,"

"Very astute, Jones," The Goddess smiled, "but unfortunately for the three of you, moving on is not on the menu today,"

Jones turned to look the Goddess dead in the eyes, 

"What?"

She gestured to the television, which showed that they had abandoned hope of bringing Jones back, and were now in discussion over a way to replace him. Jones was mildly pissed off, but he understood. He would have done the same if he had lost a soldier in a dangerous mission. That was when something strange happened. A large fly buzzed over to the tank, landing on it, and a shock of electricity rippled through the liquid. Jones gasped as pain clouded his chest, before his eyes snapped open again, and he felt himself flow out of the broken glass with the green water,

"You're alive. Splendid!" Nash smiled down at him, offering him a hand up, 

"Fuck you." Jones smiled back, accepting the offer, "But what I want to know is what that fly is doing,"

They turned to see that they fly had landed on a wall, before it spoke, causing Reigen to fall over backwards in fright, his head smacking the ground with a thump,

"My name is Draedon," The fly began, sounding mildly annoyed at Reigen's shock, "I was abducted from my home universe by Wrathful for a cheap laugh, and I have just escaped by landing on your shoulder,"