accidents happen

Want That Too

"Taking all the better parts of me is all you ever do
Now the second I find something good
I know that
You're gonna want that too"
-want that too
Tate McRae

God, I didn't think he'd actually show up; he has school, practice, and, well, Eva. He's facing the secretary, his back to me, and I hear his voice—soothing, kind, and oh-so-overwhelming.

My heart quite literally stops. I didn't know what to do or how to breathe. I haven't seen him in over two months, and now he's here, laughing with the secretary.

His hair is shorter, and his laugh is just slightly deeper. It seems odd to notice, but in his shirt, his back seems more defined and broader; it is very attractive.

I almost want to run and tell him about my life and how I've been, but I can't. We aren't those people anymore.

The people who could trust that life wouldn't change, who knew what the future held for them, who knew without a doubt who they were living for.

It sounds like an overreaction, but I was so completely obsessed with him that I had no other reason for life than him. He came at a time when I really thought I wasn't going to make it past eighteen, and it was perfect—he quite literally saved me.

And now I can't even look at him. I can't hate him either. How can you hate your lifeline?

"Jordan, hey. Uhm." I'm pulled back into the present, where Logan approaches me. "Can we talk?" he's got a nervous look on his face, and I have to decide between talking to Aaron, my ex, or Logan, my- something?

Aaron turns from the secretary, his eyebrows furrowed. When his eyes land on me, they stop and widen just slightly before he smiles widely and calls to me, "Hey, Clover!"

Hearing my old nickname caused an almost immediate panic. My chest ached, and my breath caught. I turned back to look at Logan, whose eyes flickered between mine and Aaron's.

"Jordan?" His eyes are filled with worry as he looks into mine. "Are you okay?" Aaron's laugh interrupts him. "God, it's been forever. I couldn't go another day."

Aaron throws me into a hug, his arms carrying me. My feet hover above the ground, my arms pinned stiff against my sides.

He holds me like that for a couple of seconds before he stiffens and drops me back down. "Sorry, Uhm. Jordan, how've you been?" He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Uhm, I'm great. I got called up to the office, so I'm actually busy. Did you need something?" I keep my voice steady, fighting back the urge to sob.

"Yeah, sorry. That was me. I went here a couple of years ago, you know, when I lived in Washington. My dad sent me here for a semester, so I have a couple of pulls." His voice is nervous, and our postures are awkward.

"Oh. You called me out of class on my first day of school for?" I can't believe he dared to come and interrupt my life; he ruined me, and he wants to come back like nothing has changed.

"Sorry. I just wanted to catch up; I didn't know it was your first day. When that guy answered your phone, I guess I just got a bit jealous, and-" I cut off his words.

"Jealous?" my words are harsh, and his expression stills, "You. You have no right to be jealous, okay? I'm not going to have this conversation with you. I have class."

He moves to grab my arm when I pull away from him. "Don't," my tone is stern, and he frowns. "I just, I- I mean, even if we aren't dating anymore. We were friends first. I don't wanna lose that."

He doesn't want to lose that? I'm so close to losing my mind. I look around for some kind of camera; this has to be a joke. My eyes land on Logan's. His eyes are worried and wide. "I'm fine, Logan. You can go back to class."

Aaron turns around, "Is he the one who answered your phone?" His posture is stiff. He's the same height as Logan, but Aaron's football physique is intimidating. He's got about thirty pounds on Logan, making Logan look much smaller than he is.

"You are out of line, Aaron," I warn him, grabbing his arm. "Get off of me." His tone strikes me. His wild and cold eyes are on mine. "Don't talk to her like that." Logan interrupts our eye contact.

"I'll be fine, Logan. Please, just go." He looked between Aaron and me before nodding and walking past me through a different hall.

I turn back to Aaron; his eyes are still mad. "I'm not having this conversation right now. I have another class in," I check my phone, "ten minutes, and I cannot deal with whatever this is."

"Well, I can get you excused for the rest of the day, or we can meet after your classes. They told me you're dorming with Wes. I knew him, so I can meet you there around three?"

I know that I won't get out of this. "Fine. Just don't mess with my schedule. If I have classes, don't excuse me. I'll see you after school." A smile grows on his face. This time, it does reach his eyes. It's so bright, and I hate it with everything in me. I wish I never knew it, him.

"Right, see you after school, Clover." The bell rings, interrupting my thoughts. I nod and turn around, heading toward the English hall.

~~

AN: GRR I WROTE ANOTHER CHAPTER UGH 😔

WC: 917