Is this wrong?

Coworkers.

Spencer Reid. The genius of the FBI, the youngest profiler to ever join the BAU, is the bane of my existence. 
I thought that after college and after growing up, all of the hatred between us would disappear, or at least get weaker, but of course I was wrong.

This morning I was sitting at the roundtable, listening to Hotch and our new case. Still, as I was trying to concentrate on his words I could feel two eyes burning into my back, when I turned around I met the most intense, annoyingly beautiful pair of eyes, Spencer's.  When our gazes met, my stomach felt light with butterflies, my skin felt too tight, and the room felt too hot. I didn't take my eyes off of him, instead, I looked at him with challenge in my gaze. As we stared at each other I could see hatred in his stare, but then I noticed another feeling that I could quite figure out. I got lost in his eyes, and when he tore his gaze away from mine, I felt empty, I felt useless and alone. What is going on with me? Did Spencer Reid successfully drive me crazy? 

My gaze was now wandering all over his body, I didn't even realize that I was still staring at him, but then a rough voice tore me out of my thoughts.

Reid: "You know that if you take a picture it will last longer right?"  of course the boy genius noticed me still staring at him.

Y/n: "You wish I would be staring, don't you pretty boy?" I say turning my attention to Hotch. I heard a mumbling sound from an annoyed Reid behind me, it took all of my strength not to turn around and ask what he said. 

Hotch was briefing us on a case that involved the murder of a woman in her late 20s, brutally beaten, strangled, and raped. After hearing the words spoken by Hotch, my vision became blurred, flashbacks from my childhood flashed in front of my eyes, my breathing quickened, my hands trembled. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, I panicked as I grabbed it, my expression was stoic but my body was extremely vulnerable. 

Y/n: "Please leave me alone, don't touch me... please" I whisper, and then snap out of it immediately. 

I looked around me, worried that if the team saw me as weak they would kick me off the case. They wore concerned expressions, they looked... worried? About me? I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that people could actually care about me. 
 My childhood wasn't exactly perfect, in fact, it was very far from perfect, but I always thought that I couldn't say anything because other people, somewhere in the world, had it worse than me. I grew up trying to be tough, to be strong, but it didn't matter how strong other people saw me, I will always see myself as a broken, weak, little girl. JJ's voice cut my thoughts short.

JJ: "Y/n, are you ok?"

Y/n: "Yes, sorry I'm fine. I just remembered something. I'm good, I apologize for the interruption. Sir, please continue."

Hotch looked at me with a stern expression, confused but also worried. He tried to continue like nothing happened, but I could feel him looking at me from time to time. As the briefing came to an end we were preparing to get on the jet. For once Garcia could come with us, and I was grateful for that, she always made me feel comfortable. 
As I was checking my go-bag, making sure I got everything I needed,  I felt a hand on my shoulder, this time I didn't flinch, I turned around calmly, only to see my handsome enemy standing in front of me. If we weren't so busy hating each other I would have already jumped in his arms and kissed him. Too bad he was a dickhead. 

Y/n: "What do you want? If you want to make fun of me for what happened before, you can just leave it, I already embarrassed myself enough alone."

Reid: "Y/n, you know that I do have a heart right? Anyway I just wanted to ask you how you were doing, you looked really shaken up in there" As he said this I noticed that his hand was still on my shoulder, the place where his hand was resting felt hot, burning my skin. I tried to focus on his words, but his touch made me feel whole again. 

Y/n: "Why do you care how I feel? You never did before" I whisper the last part, remembering the college days.

Reid: "God Y/l/n! Why do you have to be such a dick every time I try and speak to you? You know what? You're right I don't care, just... forget it" He starts to walk away when I grab his wrist. The feeling of his skin against mine burning my hand.

Y/n: "Wait, me? Being a dick? What about you Reid? From the first time you saw me in college you hated me, you were disgusted by just looking at me, I didn't understand why, but now I do. I understand why you feel those things towards me, and I don't blame you, but what I blame you for is you deciding to hate me before even trying to talk to me. When I saw you for the first time I just wanted to be your friend, but you decided to fucking hate me. So don't you dare call me a dick." I let go of his wrist as I grabbed my go-bag and headed toward the plane. 

I sit on the plane, next to Garcia, she welcomes me with a smile and a little hug, asking me how I am doing. We chatted a little bit, but our conversation was cut short by Hotch's voice calling us to figure out some possible leads and assign us what to do. 

The victim is a female in her late 20's, brunette and skinny. There are no signs of fighting back, Rossi's voice rings in the air.

Rossi: "I think it might be a predatory type offender: someone who views victims as prey, he is stalking them, studying their habits, and striking when they least expect it. The killer is likely impulsive, driven by a need for power and control."

Y/n: "Guys, I think it might be more than one victim. I remember reading about two women killed the same way. This time it's more violent, it looks personal. there's too much overkill, the woman was probably dead after the strangling, why beating her up and raping her?" The last word rang in my ears, stinging my tongue. 

Emily: "She's right, Garcia please look up the reports of those two women, good job Y/n"

I go back to my seat, waiting for Garcia to chat. After a little bit, I looked around the plane, everyone was asleep, even my enemy, who was sitting right in front of me and Garcia. I turn to Garcia, wanting to talk to someone about my problem, wanting to lift that stone that was sitting on my chest for far too long. I check again to see if someone else is awake. Negative. 

Y/n: "Hey Pen, can I talk to you about something?"

Garcia: "Of course darling, does that have to do with your reaction this morning?"

Y/n: "Yes, listen I never told anyone about this, because I never want to show myself vulnerable again to someone else. When I was little, my dad was abusive, he raped me every night and then beat me after. My mom was never really there, not that I cared because when she was..., anyway, One time my dad beat me so badly that the people that found me on the street couldn't even recognize my sex. After that time I never went home again, I ran as fast and far as I could. I was 9 when that happened. I never complained or talked to someone because I thought that other people had it worse, at least that's what my mom and dad made me believe." As I finish rambling I look at Garcia in her eyes, seeing not even a crumb of judging in her eyes, as I notice her teary eyes I panic, I was never fond on comforting others.

Y/n: "Omg I'm so sorry Garcia, I didn't want to make you cry, I just needed to tell someone this."

Garcia: "What are you saying? Baby, are you really apologizing to me after what you told me? Are you crazy? It's the world that should be apologizing to you, you were a child, you didn't deserve that. No one does."

Y/n: "I'm ok now, I healed, but sometimes some words trigger me, just like this morning. this case in general, I don't want to be seen weak and vulnerable ever again"

Me and Garcia were cut off by the plane landing, everyone got up, but before we could exit hotch assigned us our work for the day. 

Hotch: "Rossi and JJ you are with me, we are going to talk to the parents of the victim, Morgan Prentiss, you go to the crime scene, examine the body. Lastly Reid, Garcia, and Y/l/n will all stay at the station, Garcia will work on the reports of the two victims Y/l/n suggested. Reid and Y/l/n work on the geographical profile and see if you can understand more about the dynamic of the murder. "

Great, just great. Sometimes I feel like I live in a fucking soap opera. Today will be a long day, stuck in a room with the person that hates, me and forced to talk and work with me. This could either end in two ways. It's either we figured out how to work together by putting the hatred aside or we kill each other.