Love & marriage

After school special

"Punch me like your life depends on it, Jer." Diana says to Jeremy. They're at the lake house with Damon trying to turn Jeremy into a powerful hunter. "I'm not hitting a lady." He says. 

"This lady is stronger than most men. See if you can top me." He tries punching her, but she pulls him by that very arm, flipping him over. Jeremy groans as he goes from standing to floored in less than 3 seconds. "Ow."

"I give you five seconds to stand up. 1, 2, 3..."

"I can't get up that fast. I think you broke one of my bones." Jeremy groans.

"You have to learn to get up quickly. Any other vampire would've gotten you into chains right now."

"How do you know if this is useful in the first place? You're supposed to be helping me, not kicking my ass."

"This is how I taught my kids. You lose, you learn."

"Losing feels horrible." Diana helps him up and they move on to the next part. Jeremy is putting wooden bullets into a gun. He hands the gun to Damon. Damon removes the bullets. "Good. Now, do it like your life depends on it, 'cause it does."

"Don't act like you care about my life. You care about the hunter's mark and curing Elena so she's not sired to your ass."

"Both require you to be alive. Which is why I updated our relationship status to 'it's complicated.' Have you talked to her at all? Elena?"

"Maybe. Why? Running out of voicemails to listen to?"

"I'm sorry. Did I interrupt play time?" Klaus says, appearing. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jeremy asks.

"I'm simply appreciating the sights and smells of nature, neither of which presently include rotting vampire flesh, so I'm a bit concerned. How many vampires has he killed?"

"If we throw Jeremy out into the real world right now, he's chum." Damon says.

"Yeah, see, that's not a number. Twelve. That's a number. That's how many of my hybrids I slaughtered with my sword. Three. That's how many days it took to quell the urge to kill your brother after he knowingly watched as I walked into a death trap. One. That's the number of purposes you serve. You are here to grow Jeremy's mark, so I'll ask again...How many vampires has he killed since he's been here?"

"He hasn't killed anything, Klaus. Zero." Diana responds.

"That's a pity. I'm going to need that cure sooner rather than later. Hybrid shortage and all. How can I help?" 

"By going to hell." Diana snaps. He had just killed Carol in response to her trying to spare Tyler's life, now nobody wants him around. "Please, love. I'm here to see what I can do to train the little fella."

Damon shoots Klaus with wooden bullets. Klaus leans against a tree, grunting from pain, and looking angrily at Damon. "That's for Carol Lockwood."

XXXXX

It's nighttime. Damon is sharpening wooden bullets. He hears Klaus approaching from behind. "If you're here for payback, go for it, 'cause you'll be stuck baby-sitting the little hunter that could." 

"You know, if you adjust your angle a little bit, you'll find a sharper edge."

"I know how to whittle, thanks. Now I know why those hybrids hated you. You are annoying."

"Actually, I'm just perplexed as to why Jeremy hasn't killed any vampires."

"Darwinism, Klaus. He needs to be able to protect himself before we hunt down his first vampire nest."

"And here was I, thinking you were the fun brother! Let's play a little game, shall we? Jeremy needs more victims, and there's a whole town of people down the road, just waiting to be turned into vampires for the slaughter."

"You don't think that occurred to me, Klaus?"

"Tragedy is, Damon, it did occur to you, and yet you chose to ignore it. My guess is you did it to impress Elena. Somehow, to honor her, you will find a way to spare innocent lives and walk Jeremy down the moral high road. That's why I've already made the necessary corrections."

"What did you do?"

The pizza girl shows up at the Gilbert Lake House and knocks on the door. Matt walks over and opens the door. "Don't tell me we ordered another pizza?"

"No, I'm just an idiot. I ran out of gas, and my phone's dead. You think I could use yours?"

"Yeah, come in. I'll run upstairs and grab my cell." Matt goes upstairs. The girl tries to walk into the house, but can't. Jeremy notices her at the door. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Car drama. Your friend just went to go get his phone."

"Well, I'm about to go take a shower, but you're more than welcome to wait inside." Jeremy leaves and she steps into the house, looking surprised that she could. Matt grabs his phone. Suddenly the girl appears. "Did you find your phone?"

The girl tackles him to the ground and straddles him, trying to attack him. Matt tries to push her away. Jeremy comes in, pulls the girl off of Matt and stakes her. Damon walks in and sees what has happened. Jeremy watches the hunter's mark grow on his arm.

XXXXX

Everybody at the lake house arrives to the Zanadew lounge. Music is playing, and many vampires in transition are lying around still dead. Jeremy, Diana, Matt, and Damon enter and stare at all the bodies. They walk up to Klaus, who is sitting at the bar and pouring himself a drink.

"Are they...?" Diana asks.

"What the hell...?" Jeremy mutters.

"Did you kill all these people?" Matt asks Klaus.

"Not exactly. They're in transition. Killing them is your job." He says to Jeremy.

"You said you were going to convince Klaus to do this another way!" Jeremy exclaims. 

"Well, I thought about it, and then I realized his idea was better." Some of the bodies start to move.