Pandemonium | Hyunjin

Broken gingerbread dreams

As endless minutes slipped through Carmen's fingers, it was starting to feel pointless again. The freshly printed flyers were still warm. She clutched them in one arm and passed them out as people walked by. The strangers kind enough to take them offered her looks of pity. Others who walked by, sauntered past her outstretched hand as if she didn't exist. 

When three different people walked by within the span of two minutes without throwing a second glance in her direction, the emotions began to swarm together again. Disappointment and sadness created a tornado of emptiness. 

"Have you seen this girl? Please take a flyer. This is my nine-year-old sister and she's missing. If you find her, please call the number listed on the bottom of the page." Her hand jutted out to a boy that couldn't have been much older than her. Curly bangs drooped down over his eyes. 

Their eyes met and with a brief nod, he took the flyer and left. She watched as he entered the street crossing and walked further and further away. Hope fluttered between the cavity of her chest and heart. Maybe he was a college student and he'd hang the poster in the common area. 

Even if he didn't, the thought brought her comfort. A wave of warmth broke through the barrier of the bitter wind. December was an awful time to go missing. People didn't want to consider the horrors of the real world. They wanted to focus on upcoming holidays and spending time with family. 

Nine-year-olds were too fragile to be alone in this world. It was too cold outside without a coat. People were too cruel. People wanted to hear Christmas songs and not consider the body of a child that could be hiding beneath the cold river current. They didn't want to think about the horrors of a kid laid to a forever sleep in six feet of dirt. That would break the happy illusion that slipped over most at this time of the year. 

"Excuse me, have you se-" Her soft voice cut out at the flash of white blooming across the way. Her head jerked to the side. The guy she had given the flyer to was across the street. A few feet behind him, the crumpled up ball of paper sat abandoned on the faded crosswalk. 

"No," she whispered to herself. Without finishing the conversation between the older lady she was with, she began to rush towards the intersection. "No, no, no, no, no!" The black boots on her feet echoed against the cement. 

A car squealed as it stepped on the brakes. A few colorful words were thrown her way through the cracked driver's window, but she didn't care. She reached the ball and quickly uncrumpled it. The wrinkled face of her younger sister stared back at her. 

She took a few steps back onto the curb. Glistening tears filled her eyes and she blinked rapidly, trying to get them to go away. Her sister was awful at smiling. Her eyes were squeezed shut and hiding the usual swampy hazel color. Her grin was stretched too large and revealed a gap from an upper missing molar. 

Carmen sniffled and quickly wiped away a tear. The pair should have been at home and watching Christmas movies. They should have been decorating the Christmas tree full of mismatched ornaments. The sweet scent of warm spices and bittered molasses. Christmas was supposed to be a full month-long event. 

That's how it worked in Carmen's head. Christmas wasn't just one day, the entire month was supposed to be fun. Lily wasn't supposed to go missing a few days ago. Her best friend's mother wasn't supposed to show up with her daughter crying. Everything blended together. The little remaining hope was sucked out with the help of soot colored skies. 

It was supposed to be a holiday for the books. Carmen bought Lily a small camera for Christmas. It was one of a handful of presents. She had it all wrapped up and hiding beneath her bed at home. It still waited for Lily's arrival, but she couldn't promise that she'd be able to find Lily anytime soon. 

She had been searching this stretch of town for three days. Lily's friend said this was where the pair were when Lily went missing. So Carmen entered businesses and explained her story. Most business owners allowed her to put up a temporary flyer or two. 

Her parents had given up already, but she hadn't. She was going to find Lily and bring her back home. Maybe she got lost in the area and was attempting to find her way back home. Kids don't always have a good sense of direction. So she kept pressing and kept going and then... 

"Shit!" Her hand shot out to grab the top pile of flyers, but it was too late. A steady stream of them began to fly off and flutter into the road. The wind sent them scattering in a multitude of directions. 

She panicked and desperately lunged for them, not caring that her fingers scraped the granite road; road rash was the least of her worries. Cursing through clenched teeth, she worked frantically to place them back into her pile. Tears clouded her vision. Somewhere in the distance, a car honked. 

Anxiety began to build up, but she couldn't stop. These flyers had to go to people. Every poster that ended up in a person's hand was another chance at finding Lily. Her heart pounded as another horn honked behind her. Flyers scattered further and further away. 

The horn grew louder until it cut off mid-screech. Gas roared and Carmen's eyes widened. A hand found her elbow and tugged her backwards. She stumbled into someone's chest and her ankle caught the curb. Lean arms supported her and a warm chest found her back. 

"You fucking asshole!" A voice called out. Her eyes widened as a car zipped through the intersection where she had just been a few seconds ago. Disbelief churned in her stomach. The realization that someone had nearly run over her due to impatience made more tears trickle down her cheeks. 

"Hey, are you okay?" The stranger gently helped steer her back upright. "That guy was such an asshole. What he did was entirely uncalled for." 

She wiped away the tears, sniffled, and nodded. "Yeah, just a little shaken up. Thank you for that. I-I just-" Her voice cut out and forced her to swallow. "I didn't want to lose any of these flyers." 

The man's dark eyes glanced down at the stack. "May I?" She nodded and peeled off a flyer for him. A smile pulled at one side of his face. "Who's this adorable little cutie?" His head jerked to brush his burgundy hair from his face. 

"Her name is Lily." 

His face fell when he scanned the words. "She's missing?" 

"Unfortunately." 

"And you are?" 

"Her older sister. My name is Carmen and I'm trying to find her. I've been looking for her for the past few days. You haven't seen her, have you?" 

"I'm afraid not, but I'll keep an eye out. Can I have a small stack of these? I just arrived in town and I'm sure I can pass these out on Friday." 

"What's on Friday?"

A twinkle sparked in his eyes. A large cheshire grin curled at his lips. "You haven't heard? What a shame. I can't believe you haven't heard that the traveling circus has come to town."